One of the best things about being all X's..... {translation: being a girl, all X's, no Y chromosome...get it?}

 

 

 So here they are...the pricey little liquids that bring me such joy...{.don't judge, it was either them or vodka :) } a little while ago on a date -not a dive bomb date, I know good ones are still out there!-  So it wasn't a DBD but it did have a dive bomb moment: I reached across the table to grab a napkin and the man I was with said, "you smell like OFF" you know the mosquito repellent? well I didn't smell like that,  but I did want to swat him like a bug at that moment. Straight men just don't always appreciate the finer things....it was not OFF but indeed my favorite perfum, Guerlain.   

• BCBG by BCBG
• Voyage by Hermes
• Summer by Burberry
• Blue by Ralph Lauren
• Daisy Eau So Fresh by Marc Jacobs
• Herbe Fresca by Guerlain

Dear Kate Hudson,

I hate you. I though I liked you in all your type casted roles....that is until I woke up Saturday morning and, after a rather wild Friday night, decided, "I am going to watch a movie at 8am because I can!" So off to peruse Netflix I went {and by went I mean I was sitting on my rumpus eaten cold pizza, drinking Dr. Pepper right from the 2 liter bottle, using my Roku remote} "A little bit of heaven" had been "recently added" and the promo cover photo looked great, happy, the guys is kind of cute -what I dumbass! never judge a book/movie by it's cover MK, NEVER!- she gets colon cancer and dies!! right as she finds the man of her dreams, lands a giant promotion, reconnects with her father, finds out her sister is pregnant, yadda yadda.  That is too much for me to process at 8am! I was expecting her with the curly locks and some 7 brain celled man finding each other unexpectedly, falling in love, having a tiff, then deciding to spend forever together, all set to a cheapish catchy soundtrack that will stuck in my head for weeks.... WRONG By 10am she was dead! I was sitting motionless on the couch as chubby kid tears {because their tears are bigger right?} rolled down my face. I don't identify with her, I don't think that will be me, but I do now, all day long, hate you Kate Hudson for making me cry chubby kid tears before i've even brushed my teeth! And one more thing, for the record, it wasn't your best.

Family....isn't it about, time? 
yes it is true I wish I had more time with my family, lots more. And why might you ask? because on the phone we get to have conversations like this:

Nick: Hey MK have you ever had llama?
Me: Um what are you talking about?
Nick: My friend bought a llama off of craigslist for like $25 and then butchered it, and served it to us for dinner and MK, llama is really good! It is super lean and not gamey at all.
Me: Are you serious?
Nick: Ya it was awesome, imagine somebody posting their pet llama on craigslist wanting it to go to a good loving home and then bam, butchered and on my plate!
Me: You are hilarious and awful. 
Nick: But really MK you should try it.

Imagine the chaos that happens when we are together! so now, count yourselves lucky because you are the first to hear that officially added to my bucket list is: # 427.5 Eat a llama

Wet t-shirt: planes are like my playground. I get really excited whenever I get to fly. I adore traveling. I adore dressing up to get stuck next to a perfect stranger while I nap with my mouth open for hours. This past weekend I flew to help a friend, I moved a lot of furniture, I didn't get much sleep, I tore, strained, stressed, something in my neck so it doesn't really move without pain. I steamed my darling white shirt for my flight back to DC, placed my liquids in a 1qt. ziploc, took everything out of my pockets and found 30A.  The drink cart came by, I only drink water on planes...in this situation that proved smart. The attractive little piece of eye candy that was plopped in 30C for my viewing pleasure was doing a great job keeping my attention with conversation, he handed me my water and.......holy crap! How did that just happen? Are my lips paralyzed? Yep went to take a drink and a mix of turbulence and neck pain caused me to empty the contents of my drink onto my shirt. Not in the sexy flashdance kind way, or the Vegas show kind of way, in an exclaiming, "holy crap that is cold"  as I douse myself with good old h2o by accident and then proceed to pick the ice out of my bra kind of way.  And there I sat for the next 3 hours in a wet white shirt. Nice one MK

KIOSKS: let's just talk about the mall kiosk for a minute, you know it, that little stand out in the middle of the mall....fully stalked with "must have" items and the annoying sales accosters {yep I know it isn't a word}.  Today I encountered the following kiosks:

1. The Flat Iron Kiosk: this chick comes at me with a flaming hot rod informing me she can make me look like Kim Kardashian in minutes! Well actually she says, "Girl let me aks you somethin, you know Kim Kardashian, mmmhmm I can make you look like her" Really? Let's just clarify....you are going to take me from this to this in minutes? from, I-was-baking-all-morning-and-I-have-to-wear-my-hair-up  to  red-carpet-ready? hardly     
2.             
3. The Dead Sea Skin Care Kiosk: first off, Dead Sea? Salt? is that really so good for my skin? have you ever seen what salt will do to a slug? I haven't even made it down the elevator and he has spotted me...target lock ..."Excuse me Miss, I have a present for you" he suavely says as he pushes a sample toward me...a sample of slug killer for my face? No thanks. Now I realize it was given to me by the most attractive 5'6" Israeli man that they could find - that way it seems authentic?-  but I still don't want it. Using it might make me look like the "before" picture on a proactiv commercial, and I would like to avoid that.                                     
4. The helicopter kiosk: I am not a little boy, or a 32 year old man with too much time on his hands......zzzzzzzzzzttttt "I am so sorry miss!" as the helicopter buzzes into my could-have-been-like-Kim K. hair tragedy. And I really really don't want it now knowing it is unpredictable. And he continued to try to sell it to me!
5. The Diet Fizz Kiosk: thank you for staffing this booth with an anorexic Russian who is chugging that gastly "beverage" . I am sure if you read on the label, at the bottom, where it gets really really really small you will see that it says, "this product only works if used alone for 96 days. Side effects may include death because if you follow the directions your caloric intake will be 12 calories per day, but you will be really skinny right before you keel over"

So a few tips on how to avoid being accosted:

• poke yourself in the eye so it looks like you are crying then make crying sounds as you shake your head
•  take out your phone and hold it up to your ear and enjoy talking to yourself- if you talk to yourself on a regular basis, it's probably best to just always keep your phone up to your ear, you'll look less crazy-
• when they ask you a question respond "ima soo sowwy no speaka englis" and just walk away

The disclaimer because I always over analyze: I am good at being single, I am happy single, but I love men :)  I am not great at flirting, I am a tricky mix of shy and sarcastic at the beginning, middle, sometimes end...but I still love men.  Today I am going to learn you something new Single Girls and yes these are all from personal experience...I caught myself before the flirt was in full swing but some were closer than others:

*places/situations not to pick up/hit on men*

• @ Baby Gap
• toddler clothes section @ Target
• from the window of the minivan you are currently driving with 3 little girls {that aren't yours} in the back
• @ Costco with 3 little girls {that aren't yours} in the cart you are pushing  
• @ a playground with 1 or more of the 3 little girls ...that aren't yours
• in the waiting room of a pediatrician's office
• at the CVS when a man has tampons in hand
• in Victoria's Secret
• at Tiffany and Co.
• outside the dressing room in any dept store
• and last but not least....never never never in Anthropologie. While it is a great store, if a guy is in there...he is a: with a chick or b: never will be {with a chick}

Voila....you are welcome ladies.

Fall Firsts: My favorite parts of fall....other than the leaves changing, down comforters, reduced humidity, sweaters, boots, scarves, goosebumps in the mornings as I crawl out of bed, and sleeping with the windows open....Starbucks caramel apple cider and their old fashioned donuts. *These are always on the menu but I only like them in the fall*

So you know how I went to Senator Mark Warners bbq, I was a bit intimidated because I knew I was going to be surrounded by political yuppies but it was to be an adventure....and there would be roast pig :)

I wore my most political bracelet, I ate roasted pig :)

I was instantly at ease when I saw "yuppy" wasn't the only type invited...Elton John twins

sad, sad brownies :(

the roast pig after the carnivores descended, my shoes :) not ideal for picnic on a farm

and my favorite part, the girl who got a little tipsy, rolled up her skirt, and got in the pool.

So my neighbor invited me to accompany her to a BBQ at a Senator's house today. She is going to be networking and doing research for her upcoming articles....I will also be doing "research" :)

My mother Teresa called with my daily mantra:

Positive energy from a woman moves through a room faster than wild fire on Santa Ana winds.

thanks mom

***I am not desperate to get married. If I was I would still be or already be married. I am more enticed with love than I am with marriage. If love leads to marriage....great, but I am not frantically clawing at the idea with my every waking breath. But I am having a little fun.........so I will share a little of my fun with you.....***

.Com: let's just talk about online "dating" for a moment......{yes I am on a dating website, no I do not adore it, yes I did it because my mom, sisters, friends all said it was a good idea....yes I now am wondering if those people really love me because if they did they would have never suggested it} Have you ever bought anything from a catalog or online? You get one or two views, the front the back, the item on a model, the size guide. From what is presented you have a decent idea of what you are going to get. And quite often have descriptions like:

The wardrobe essential. This is casual, with plenty of feminine detail. Flattering in the extreme and a great alternative to jeans. It is the beginning of every great outfit.

Well send me 4 of those, one in every color! That sounds great. You order it, it comes, with anticipation you take care not to cut to deep when opening the box and then.....what the crap:
this is how I feel about online dating :) you look at pictures, get the descriptions, place your "order" and then when it comes you are shocked. {should have jabbed the scissors in deep when opening this doozey} You soon learn that the first picture was from 2001 when he had hair, the second where he says, "me at the gym" ya he is the one with the sweat taco armpits on the elliptical in the back not the muscly one curling the 150 lb. dumbbell in the front, and the third picture of the birds-eye view of him rock climbing {which gets you really excited because you used to climb and are related to 2 of the best climbers in the country} ya turns out he had just gotten off the ground and was holding on for dear life while they took the shot. So from my last month stint with online dating I have discovered a few things, online dating is it great place for: compulsive liars, avid photo shoppers, and smooth writers who become turbulent with public, one on one, in person conversation. Don't worry there is lots more. But this is enough for today.

I was in Dublin, Ireland at the Chanel counter at the mall; I was picking out my favorite Chanel lip gloss that they had discontinued in the states. The clerk said she was so sorry and when I asked why, she directed me to the 3rd floor. I went up to find myself in a sea of people glued to the televisions and together we watched as the second tower fell. I had been in New York just 48 hours earlier. They say when tragedy happens your endorphin levels are heightened causing you to remember more detail than you would on any other day. I remember the weather, my clothes, my hair, the tension in that room, the tsunami of frantic that came over me as reality sunk in. All flights were grounded and I remained there for almost 2 weeks. Two weeks later I returned to New York, the dust hadn't settled, the city still in shock, the site blocked by debris and police. Today 11 years later, the memory is still close, hearts still hurt, and I still get chills as I hear the stories and think of the ones that I was connected to that were affected. Today the whole city of Washington, DC is remembering how their lives changed 11 years ago. Today people all over the world are considering the same thing and many are offering silent prayers to their various gods for the blessing it is to be alive.

It happened, I walked outside yesterday morning and I wasn't sweating by the time I got to my car! I walked Kenza at 11p and only got 1 mosquito bite. I slept with the window open and the subtle whisper of a chill was in the air. I don't think it is here yet, but I think fall might be close and I am ready!

Churchy: yes it happens from time to time. I am not one who talks solo on religion. I keep the things I love close. I think talking about shoes, or my apt redo, or random happenings is easy because it is just that, a random happening. Last Thursday I had a not so random happening that stood as a simple yet very clear fact that God is present in my life and he cares about the silly things that rock my foundation. Last Thursday I felt like He was right next me.....

I don't get anxious, anxiety is foreign to me. I stay pretty chill when things are swirling. Well the past 3 months a little situation has been out of my control, my heart has been sad and I have been an anxious wreck on a weekly basis, pulse racing, can't focus, tired, just a bit of a mess whenever I would start thinking about this. {and yes the "this" won't be disclosed so don't get your hopes up} Well I went out of town Friday and decided while I was away, if I could make the time, I was going to try to make sense of the "this" so I could go back to a bp of 120/80. That being said Thursday I was shaky. I had laundry, cleaning my apt, take Kenza to Rockville, straightening Dave and Amy's place, errands, 3 little gils to watch, I had to pack, deliver a cake, take Kenza to the vet, drop off the Jetta to get rekeyed, shower... I had too many things to do and not enough time. And then the day started...laundry, cleaning, showering, packing, they all went seamlessly. Wendy called and said she could watch Kenza so I didn't have to drive to Rockville. The girls were all happy, there wasn't a wait at the vet, I was calm, not anxious at all. And then I looked at the clock 11:48a. What should have taken me until 4p that day miraculously took half the time. I drove from my place to Dave and Amy's to start in there and when I opened the door my mouth dropped, the cleaning people had come a day early. For 3 years the cleaning service has always come Friday at 3:30. Today was Thursday at 12p and they had come. The house was spotless, I didn't need to spruce up. Lunch hadn't even been fixed yet and everything on my list was done. The girls headed up stairs to play, I dropped to my knees and thanked God for keeping me close on a day when I needed it most. It wasn't life or death, it wasn't a world issues, it was just little me, worried about what the next day would bring. I have lived this life in DC for 5 years, I know how this city runs, I know how I run, and last Thursday while no sea was parted, and no mountain was moved, I was shown how much I really matter and how much He cares with a series of subtly unexpected, but dually noted events.

So remember when my room looked like this:

then this:

then this:

Well now it looks like this:

Labor Day Part #3: here are a few pics {from a borrowed camera because mine is gone } of my quick little trip to Boston.....

DBD #2 Fancy Feast: {because this is only the second one I will explain it again....DBD stands for Dive Bomb Date and I won't give all the details...just the funny ones :) } This past one wasn't nearly as good as the first....an Afghan funeral is hard to beat :)....and it should be said that I am truly flattered every time a man thinks he wants to get to know me. Now all the disclaimers are out of the way,

the texts:

"Dinner tonight? 7:30p"

"Sure, where"

"how do you feel about sharing food?"

"fine"

"good because I am not really hungry so I figured we can share a plate"

and all of a sudden I feel like I am an octogenarian. I need to have a good night so I headed off to the gym figuring I'd get ripped :) before dinner then give about 20 min to get ready. I get back from the gym to find his rendezvous text has come and the designated spot is 45+ min away {I later find out it is only 5 min from his house} and the only way you can get there is to take the toll road...so get this, he's not only not coming to pick me up but I have to drive an hour to him and pay tolls, and we are sharing food! I go anyway. I get there, as promised he is a brilliant scientists, nice enough, dressed like he just got out of a really really cold lab.....thick corduroy pants, warm shirt, shower sandals? He remains seated, I walk up, he says "hi", then mumbles some quirk about my hair, limited eye contact. He orders for us, as promised one plate. Food comes, looks amazing, I could eat 2 plates by myself I am starving and the waitress just brought me a teacup saucer as the second plate. He proceeds to cut every item in half and because my plate is so small he cuts up little bites and places them on my plate for me. At first I think it's a joke then it continues! I feel like the cat on the Queen of Sheba commercials, me and my fancy feast. He mumbles the whole meal and it is really hard to hear him so I say "I am sorry what did you say" a lot and I have to sit really close to hear even 12%. Dinner ends, we walk around. Conversation's awkward or maybe normal I can't hear it.

"so where did you park I have to work at 9am so you'd better go" -it is now 21:05 does he really need 11 hours of sleep?-

"I parked about 3 blocks from here"

"Okay well have a good night". And with folded arms my darling scientist in cords walks away and I walk back to my car, alone, starving, and in the dark only to drive 1hr and $4.25 home.

There is something so romantic to me about flying. Maybe it's the odd architecture of the airports, the idea that a few steps from where you are standing you can board a plane that will take you: on vacation, to a love, far from love, home, some place new, some place familiar. The people, the faces, the different languages, the rush of some, the eased pace of other, I simply adore it.....

"BAG CHECK ON CAROUSEL 9"

wait that is my bag, I was just lost in a day dream of how great this place is....this isn't great, TSA is cranky! and needs a hair update stat!

"Ma'am is this your bag?....Are you aware that the liquid limit is 3.4 oz?.....This is way more than that", she yammers as she recovers my nalgene filled with water. {give me a break I only slept 2 hours and I left for the Boston airport at 4am, normally I am better than this}

so what do I do, take the nalgene, take the top off, and proceed to swallow it's entire contents in a single motion. I handed her the back the empty bottle, gave her a little nod...no eye contact just a nod....zipped up my bag, and was on my way.

Labor Day Part 1: I took out my boarding pass, she scanned it, I boarded the plane. It smelled like asiago bagel, my boarding pass not the plane. I was dizzy, tired, and a little shaky, a "good morning have a nice flight" came from the man er woman with red er blond? hair. I wasn't my best self. A new anxiety had met me about 3 weeks ago when I realized I had a ticket bought, car rented and planned a charming surprise....had planned a surprise, I canceled it! I knew the wonder was gone, had for a while, but I was still going and I feared a potential field of landmines was now waiting for me at the other end. A field I wasn't told about, a field that should have never been infested in my mind. At least give me an idea, an indicator of where not to step. No such comfort came as I found 20A and securely stowed my carry-on. I couldn't help but think, "this is stupid, why do you choose to meet life head on, you silly girl why can't you just smile and cry and giggle and allow yourself to be doughy, the go-with-everything-bland type that they want?" Oh I was so far from that now as my parkinson's-esque reactions continued; it took 4 tries for the seat belt to be "securely fastened". I am sure I was pale, I could feel it because it was hard to close my mouth or blink my eyes, my hands were freakishly white and clamy and stiff. I think rigamortis was setting in but my pulse was racing. I pulled the smashed bagel out of my bag, they put on too much cream cheese, they always do that. The thought of eating made me sick, but it was 5am and I had 1hr drive meeting me at the other end of this flight and I knew I wouldn't stop for food so in went the bagel. I chocked it down. No literally my throat was so tight I nearly chocked. The powers that be in the universe must have been smiling on me for some reason because I slept the whole flight. I awoke as the landing gear met the tarmac. "Will you need rental car insurance"...."no"........"direction?"..........."no, I am just going west on I-90"........."alright you are all set have a nice weekend" . I usually drive a standard, don't worry I quickly figured out this was an automatic as I attempted to depress the clutch, which was really the break. "Nice MK, real nice. How's the bagel sitting now?" I am not quite sure how I got from A toB that day, the radio, the road signs, the British voice in the background from the gps, they were all just blurry. I was awake but still felt like I was in a dream sequence. Why couldn't there be unicorns? They wouldn't fix the sting of the whole aforementioned landmines issue but, they would make the 12 miles remaining just a little better. Car now parked I flicked my hair, don't worry it wasn't lovely and seductive, my fingers got caught in a snarl. "Why the hell did I wear wedges today! I am like 7 feet tall and wobbly because my nerves have decided to become my loyal travel companions! Damn nerves, damn wedges, just damn." I wanted to get back in the car, speed up the coast, and murder these nerves via drowning them in a puddle of butter that would be served with the Maine lobsters that would be waiting. Lobsters weren't like landmines, they wouldn't blow up in my face, or rip off limbs when triggered, with lobster you always know what you are getting....buttery white flesh under a red suit of armor. "Hey I am outside....ya the drive was quick...". I should have gone for the coast. I should have found lobster at 8:19am. In about 30 seconds I was going to potentially be met with the first landmine.........

Labor Day Part #2:
................and then I realized I needed to man up , meet the moment head on, then enjoy the weekend, and leave the drama to the drag queens and reality TV.