Monday, December 23, 2013

DBD #10 Snuggle Feast: how is it possible that I went on 2 dates in 1 week and both were awful DBD's? Oh well. We had dinner a few nights back. Work had just ended, 11:30p, we ate, hardly talked, I went home and went to bed. Easy. This is not the DBD.....the next outing was. We went to see The Hobbit. He showed up late so I missed the previews, I said I crave movie popcorn, he ordered 2 smalls (don't worry somehow I ended up paying). It was after work, I was tired so I was leaning away from him, propping up my head with my arm on the arm rest. Half way into the movie he pulls me towards him, pushes my head on his shoulder, and pats my head. I clearly didn't stay like this. I laughed it off and returned to my side. Crossed my legs, his hand was there.  Yawned, his hand covered my mouth before mine could. Got out my wrap because I was cold, oh don't worry he arranged it for me. I laughed during the movie and he shushed me, I jumped in a scary part, and he rubbed my shoulder saying, "it's just pretend". I about died! Then the piece de resistance, with 20 min left to the movie, and him leaning so far into my bubble he is taking up half my seat, he gets his mouth right next to my ear and says, "hon, you wanna snuggle" HELL NO! You are a 35+ year old man, first, I am not your hon, and B. if I wanted to snuggle you would know, you wouldn't have to ask. Read between the lines man, read between the lines. The cab ride home involved him scooting over to the middle seat, all I could do was think, just a few more minutes and I never have to see you again. Thankfully we were in a cab so the doorstep scene was completely avoided, we reached my building and I bolted out, he went in for a kiss, he got the cab door closed quickly and a wave. Really? who asks if you want to snuggle? you just do it! It's organic, natural, but you gotta read the signs....and the one I was holding looked a bit like these:

Sunday, December 22, 2013

All I want for Christmas is ......My mother Teresa and I had a good laugh last night as she read me this over this phone:

Santa :"What do you want for Christmas this year?"
Girl: "A unicorn!"
Santa: "Oh dear, be a little more realistic."
Girl:"Alright....I would like a boyfriend."
Santa: "What color would you like you your unicorn?"

I clearly want this one:

Saturday, December 21, 2013

There is an organic feeling, when the day is done, and surreal washes over you as you realize every moment was an involuntary emission of pure joy and passion. When you quietly tell yourself, "this is my wonderland...this is my soul"

Friday, December 20, 2013

Roommate Survival 101 according to me:

here is some key advice if you have to live with roommates because housing in Singapore is more expensive than a G6 or adopting a baby {okay it's not, but it is pricey}:

  • pretend you don't speak English. If they find out you do, always walk in the door with your cell phone to your ear regardless if there is a call. This will ensure minimal communication allowing you to conserve the energy you would have wasted on making friends for better things.
  • make sure they see you drink straight from the carton of milk/juice at least once. You don't have to continue it, but if you do it just once, it's guaranteed they will never drink you stuff. 
  • make sure they see you pick your nose just once right before sticking your hand into a bag of chips or candy. You don't have to continue it, but if you do it just once, it's guaranteed they will never sneak your treats
  • make sure they see you eat off a dish then put it away dirty at least once. You don't have to continue it, but if you do it just once, it's guaranteed they will never use your dishes.
  • never let them know you are smart or have common sense. If they ask you for a screwdriver, just giggle and say, "the drink? I don't have any alcohol silly" and shut your door. If they ask if you know the date, tell them the month. If they ask if you know any good places to eat, tell them the value menu at McDonalds is actually pretty good for the price. Do these things just once, and it will ensure that they never ask you for anything, ever!
  • find out when they leave in the morning and return at night, and leave or return before or after those times. This will ensure you never have to be stuck in the elevator with them. 
  • live with people smaller than you, and a different gender if possible. If that doesn't work, just once break the above rule and wear an ugly outfit as you leave and get stuck in the elevator with you so they think you have bad taste. This will ensure they will never borrow your clothes. 
  • always lock the door when you get in, this way, when the roomies come home, you will have a 5 second head start as they fumble for they keys and unlock the door.
Well I think that should do it. Congratulations, if you accomplish this list then you are about 93% at peace while at home, and you are one of the lucky few who now how something in common with moi. 

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

"....the children were nestled, all snug in their....wait a minute!?:: My mother had 5 kids, she wanted us to go and see the world, come back quickly, settle down, have happy marriages, families, and live within at least a few hours drive of each other. Well we are all married (I just get to do it again :), we all have seen various parts of the world, we try to come home, but only 1 of the 5 has kids. So this Christmas, while my mother is wishing she had more grandkids, and while she is missing me {it's a safe assumption people!}, she will be getting a lot of this:
 -I don't have kids, but I do have an awesome dog I left with her-
And a bit of this, the cats of Nick and Audrey, who are adding to the holiday decor like no one's business!

Happy Holidays Mom :) 

Monday, December 16, 2013

Dark Side: I have a very dark side, I think that is why chef life is so fitting for me....most of the relationships you make are very surface, simple, no deep details. But, you see these guys everyday, so in order to form a relationship, you communicate on a different level. For me this "different" level, is a mean one :) , and I like to think it helps me make friends.....but only  in a kitchen. Let me elaborate:
Exhibits A,B & C: Mingda and Sebatian and their challenge
 Mingda is teaching Sebastian how to skewer lobster, so that when you boil it, the tail remains straight. I stand next to them and watch -mind you the dark side is strong with me- Sebastian's tender heart can't bear to stab a live thing. I say, "you know they scream when you stab them right" (for the record, they don't) this sentence alone freaks out Sebastian so much he can't even pick up the lobster. Mingda, who has been doing this for a really long time, tries to show him one last time, he picks up the lobster, grabs a skewer, and right as the skewer pierces the lobster, I let out a quick hi-pitched scream right behind them. Mingda throws the lobster a good 10 feet across the kitchen and jumps in the air, Sebastian bolts across the kitchen and covers his ears like a bomb has just been dropped! And there I stand, laughing so hard mascara is running down my face. This, this is how real friendships are made. I'm not sure what is worse, how hard I laughed or how, when I saw them working, the first thing I thought was, "I am going to scare the crap out of them!"

Friday, December 13, 2013

DBD #9 Noodles Feast: Ah I think this will be the first of many DBD here in Asia, don't worry you will hear about every single one :) At times I am a bit of an open book. Having 2 older sisters I didn't really talk until I was about 5, and then I was painfully shy until 23 {still am, I just hide it better} ....and so I talk non stop to make up for lost time. I don't have secrets, I am fine revealing my inadequacies, and I have no problems giving out personal this one: Tinder is a dating app, it is shallow. It shows you the how far away in miles someone is from you, and then a few pictures of them. You swipe left if you don't like them, right if you do, and if you like, and they like, you get to text each other.  This was the best modality I could locate for my situation here in Singapore. And then I went on this date: Australian, blond, tall, attractive. We met for dinner and one of the many amazing food centers here with food stalls all around:

"Okay what do you want? What sounds good"
"Oh tonight I am starving so anything but Korean food"
"Okay well go figure it out"

? huh? off I went not really sure with how this was going to work, do I find food then tell him what I want?  I looked back and he was literally on Tinder checking out other girls! I could see his phone. I made a quick loop, then came back to the table:

"Well what did you find? What looked good?"
"The prawn noodles looked great."
"Okay {awkward pause as he looks at me funny}....maybe you don't know how this works, one person gets their food, then the other person gets their food and then we both eat, cause we both have food."

In shock, I went to grab food, didn't have cash, they only take cash, so I found an ATM, then got my prawn noodles with 2 bowls so we could do this sharing thing he suggested. Went back to the table:

"Sorry it took a while, I didn't have any cash so I had to find an ATM."
"Well looks like you figured it out." {I wanted to punch him in the throat}

 He got up to get his food, I sat there looking into the prawns beady black eyes asking, "what am I doing here, this guys is awful!" He came back with only one plate. No sharing. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt, bad idea. He really was awful. Said how amazing his food was but never offered me to taste. He talked the entire time about his work, his need for more pages in his passport because he filled up the ones he had, his ex fiance, and how all divorced women are emotional wrecks. Before I knew it, my food was gone and I hadn't said a word. He got up, got a coffee, didn't offer to grab me, but when I came back said:

"you can get something to drink you know"

The date ended after that, we went our separate ways as the metro approached, he turned back and said:

" Let's do this again"
"We can't, I'm divorced, therefore an emotional wreck." 

Thank you Tinder and Chris for a lovely evening, and the first of many DBD's in Asia. {and I think Tinder should now pay me money for talking about them}