Friday, June 28, 2013

Talking with a friend last night, they were shocked I  remembered the things I do. Birthdays, phone numbers, outfits, weather, dates of things both significant and not. I think I remember because it gives me control of my life....too bad I can't turn it off :) Anyway, July 4th is coming up. America's independence day, the day we celebrate for essentially saying, "we aren't going to take this any more, there is more for us, and trial and sadness and pain will all be worth this fight in the end"....and it was.  Today, June 28th, is my own little independence day. 2 years ago I made a choice that changed my life forever, and looking back, today I am enjoying the freedoms that were bought with a price.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Free Advice: so I have lots I could talk about, tons I could talk about, but nothing as fun as online dating saga. I started it because I had just moved to a new area, was so busy @ work, and I don't frequent bars, so I wasn't meeting anybody. I think I continue to do it because I need a good laugh from time to time :) Today after a productive day of work, I sat down and "rewarded" myself with perusing the online dating site. I always anticipate this is going to be wonderful, but I am almost always, romantically let down. But I keep going back because it is harmless, I have a cruel streak, and while it may be a romantic let down, it ALWAS provides a few bits that are hilarious! (Dear online dating gods, I will apologize for everything I have, and will write, the minute you produce the perfect mate) So being the selfless giver I am, I thought I would share bits of my cruel humor, and also give advice to potential online daters. Please don't think I am monster. *all of these pics were taken off the site tonight...they were all also "suggested matches", computers suck.*
Cowboy hats are fine, sometimes even sexy, but what is not sexy is having 1/2 of your ex-girlfriend's body, or in picture #2 just the leg, in the picture. 
Shameless selfies in the bathroom, this is one way you can make sure you are smiling just right......just clean the mirror first.....and try to get it in focus. You can't really see because #2's face is blocked but the photo is so very fuzzy, but on a good note, he is clearly flexing his left arm......really guys? take 2 seconds and crop the bathroom out all together. Toilets are gross, and towel racks without towels just make me think you are too lazy to do laundry and are using your pants still to dry your hands. 
Awesome, I can tell you have 2 hands, and like the snow, but I still have no idea what you look like. 
#1, you've got to be kidding me! I can only see 1/3 of your body. Yes I am thrilled you've been to Puerto Rico, or wherever this is, but I am not looking at a travel site right now, I am looking at a man menu and this photo depicts you as a sad side salad, not a main course. However, #2 where's the beef? Clearly right here. These photos don't help either. I get the full pic, but the dingy tanktop does you no favors. You are clearly okay showing "skin", but by not being completely shirtless you are only allowing me to think you have something to cover up. 

Now just a few usernames that I enjoyed tonight:

hotlatinlover7: is 7 the number of diseases I could catch from you 
imurman : no you're not because you can't spell
loveguru: clearly you aren't because you are single
cuffme: ahhh don't even want to know
USHMIECHAJSIE: thanks for the ALL CAPS and thanks for a username impossible to remember so I can never look you up again.

Monday, June 3, 2013

DBD #7 Taco Feast: we were planning on going to a basket ball game. {nice I like sports} I was just going to meet him at his place and then we would drive over together. I showed up right on time, and he let me in....he had long curly hair, and a beard. From the pic he had sent he looked like a greek god, he should only ever take pictures with that camera, because what greeted me was the the same guy, but really not. Anyway, he invited me in and said he had to run upstairs and would be down in a minute. I sat in the kitchen and his house was really nice, clean, organized, only red flag was the lace table cloth with a plastic topper and piles of neatly clipped coupons. Next thing I know the back door opens and in walks a woman! "Holy crap he's married", was the first thought, then as she came into the light I realized she was much older.....hurray he lives with his mom. Come to find out in the 20! min he left me alone with his mother, he has always lived with her, can't seem to get a girl friend, but was really cute as a baby. Yep she showed me the pics. When he finally finished primping, I was a bit shocked, he had on purply knee socks, basketball shoes, a sweat band on his head, and a really terrible jersey. We were not going to A game, we were going to HIS game. Odd. I sat with all the wives as their middle aged husbands huffed and puffed down the court. The girls gave me tid bits about this guy I was being forced to watch.  Everything from the good the bad and the really really really ugly, was relayed to me, without prompting.  Game ended, he came over and gave me a super sweaty hug, and then said, "let's go grab dinner".  I was feeling a bit over dressed, mostly because I was sweaty or wearing purple knee high socks. Just as we are headed out, he turns and yells, "hey my girl Monica and I are going to grab Taco Bell, who wants to join us?" My girl? when did I become his girl? 3 men joined us. I went to dinner with 4 sweaty men who all through the "meal" talked about high school, and the previous 6 games which they had all lost, and most the conversation was in spanish. One more sweaty hug and I was on my way home.....but wait.....then came the text.....he had showered, wanted to know if I wanted to come back for a little, and I quote, "night cap" which was accompanied by him in his undies. They were red, he was hairy, so gross. I said no thank you. There was no second date.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Nieman Marcus: so Niemans is dog friendly....and as you can guess, Kenza is a lover of couture and she has excellent it only made sense for her to shop with Fashion Tetris aka my little sister Hannah. 

But we really need to work on her endurance
(and no I am not turning into a crazy dog lady, I jut thought Hannah and Kenza were darling)