Check Please: so I am finding, while wading through the pool, that there are certain phrases that make me want to scream, "CHECK PLEASE" and run not walk away. Here are the most recent ones and how I wanted to respond but did not :) because I am a lady!

"So tell me, what IS your love language"
Eyes up here dude, and like you care! Seeing we are both "physically" inactive by choice, I am pretty sure I know exactly what you think your love language is!

"I bet you would look really good in a bikini"
I bet not, because now that winter is approaching, I am pale, don't shave my legs near as often, and with the latest Hurricane Sandy scare, I figure the safest thing for me is to carry my food storage with me at all times, in the form of a muffin top. So no I don't. Stop thinking, it's not your strong suite. 

"So tell me about the other guys you are seeing"
Well right now I am with you so who cares? Are you so insecure you are insisting on knowing your competition so you can one up them? ...Fine, I am seeing a 6'3" pediatric neurosurgeon, with dipples, prefect teeth, who loves his mom, does humanitarian work, grew up on a ranch, strongman trains, has perfect grammar, and drives a Range Rover. There, that is your competition. Oh and he speaks perfect french, italian, and japenese, has a puppy, wants marriage, and a family, and only calls me Kate because he picked up that I like that, and he likes to sail, and loves rubbing my feet. Tell me more about you

"I think you need me send me a picture of you"
I think you need to shut your mouth and eat your food before I claw out your eyes, because we both know the type of picture you are referring to and there is no way that is happening. 

So voila, you would think that I am digging at the bottom of a stenchy swamp in the forgotten quadrant of the humid area of the world for these men....but I am not. They all appear stalwart and proper. Never judge a man by an argyle vest :)

Fail: do you ever have those days when you fail at quite a few things? Well let's just do a quick rundown of my evening between 7:00p and 7:10p

get off work late, drive home, walk into the apt building and checked my mail. A piece of eye candy walks in behind me. Merry Christmas early me :) I look at him with my best smize possible and say, "good morning"!!! It's 7p you moron why did you just say that! FAIL {for the record he looked at me funny and simply nodded}

get into my apartment and earlier that morning I had decided to crank up the heat -which had just been repaired so it was working for the first time this season- so that when I got out of the shower, parkinson's rivaling shivers wouldn't commence. And I forget to turn it down! So when I got in from the mail fail, and the outside temp being the 42 degrees my body had adjusted to, the 78 degrees my apartment was, came as an unpleasant waste of resources. FAIL

get settled, put away coat, put away dishes, checked and email or 2, then realized I had needed to pee for some time now. I had tried to go, but on my way to the bathroom earlier that day, little L, Zoe's friend, had an accident and in cleaning up her pee, I must have forgotten about mine. The 78 degree apt must have thawed out my bladder. So off I went, nice after a long day finally getting to sit down and pee in peace .....SERIOUSLY! I remembered to buy toilet paper but then left it in my trunk! FAIL

as it is with that, "If you Give a Mouse a Cookie" book, if you do one thing you always want to do another. So seeing I had just drained my bladder, time for a drink. Nice cold water, big tall glass, down the hatch it went.....then my eyes got huge mid swallow as I realized I had been gone for almost 2 weeks and had yet to run any water from the kitchen sink upon my return. The water tasted like motorhome grey water. FAIL

Most days in the life are pretty good. But then from time to time, you have intermittent moments of pure FAIL and sometimes they are back to back to back to back. Life, you are funny. Mean, but funny.

Ranch {and not the Hidden Valley kind...the Hansel Valley kind :) } there was plenty of turkey, and family, and laughing until we were just near paralyzed, during the Thanksgiving holiday. But when that came to a close, there was more adventure to be had. There were horses, and trailing cattle, hantavirus, my first ride in a semi-thuse completing my Flying J dreams-, chilly evenings, blankets of stars, and 2 breathtaking Hansel Valley sunsets. The perfect end to a lovey Thanksgiving.............and just to give you TMI< after not riding for over 34 years, I can barely walk :), and when that horse started galloping before I was ready, I think I stopped breathing! My little life of storage sheds and high heels flashed before my fear stained eyes. I regained composure before my inner terror was revealed to the "matter @ hand" {cryptic right :) }. And Have no fear, I didn't fall off, and was my head crushed by horse hooves.

Merci:Turkeys have been picked, stuffing is long gone, humanity has returned to life as usual. Fluorescent lighting, rhythmic tapping of keyboards, emails, meetings, and of course now the post Thanksgiving diet so all can be perfect for that ever important Christmas photo.  Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because it combines my 3 favorite things, people, food, and things to be grateful for. This year I am thankful for much and many:

First and foremost I am thankful for my knowledge of God. His presence in my life this past year has been truly essential for my survival. In a close second {and an odd one at that} I am thankful for my divorce, it taught me that I could do hard things, recover, forgive, and remain friends with my former husband even after everything that had happened. I am thankful for Gable, the man that surprisingly entered the scene for the 11 months after the divorce, who helped me pick up the pieces, loved me dearly, who made me feel again, and who made the world stand still when we were together. I have no doubt he was my carefully packaged, delivered at just the right time, gift from God. I am thankful for my "net" of amazing men and women: Ruth, Melissa M., Melissa B., Wendy, Shelly, Libby, Laura, Stacey, Lark, Hannah BV, Jen H., Devin, Lee, and on and on....that I knew would catch me if I needed it, on really hard days. And last, I am thankful for my family, the amazing colorful mosaic of passionate life, love, support, and wisdom that I am proud to call mine. I have not always felt it, but I do so now, that my life and everyone in it, is a fine hewed precious gift that I am tenderly and sincerely grateful for.

Cruel Streak: I pity the men that have to date me when I am in a cruel mood {which is frequent, I am kind, but cruel} :) last week right after I arrived a guy called and asked how my flight was, I simply texted this:

 

now in doing so I knew full well he would text back and say "wow that is a lot of luggage for just one week!" and sure enough he did. At which point my plan was into full swing and I could follow that photo, as I had anticipated, with this one. It's caption to read, "well most of the luggage was my girls' ":

he didn't respond for a few hours ....lol......and when he did he simply said, "wow I didn't know you had kids" at which point I laughed a cruel laugh, and then set the record straight that while they are my girls, I simply call them that because I am the nanny. Ah my cruel streak, quite possibly the #4 reason why I might be single for a while...and I am okay with that :)

my friend Libby got married, as I mentioned before, and she threw this,I caught it, watch out boys....just sayin :)

Last weekend, my dear friend Libby got married. {I love love weddings...almost as much as Libby} and she asked me to make her cake, and from a little cell phone photo, I created this:

  

Daylight: When you have good things happen, sometimes you need to celebrate! And at 9:15am it is way too early for cream soda, so taking one bite of each of the dozen Daylight Donuts is about as good as it can get.

3 littles' first caramel apple ..... those things are sticky! I love Izzy's face -she's the one on the left-

Commercial Break:As much as the next person, I love to laugh. I come from a family where individually we are all a little funny in our own ways {don't be immature and insert "funny looking here" it's an old joke}, but put us together and strangers beware! We laugh so hard we snort, cry, and sometimes pee a little. I adore my family, and when I don't have them to make me laugh, there is stuff like this that I just find hilarious!

Muffled, but for the better!:So today I am getting on a plane, yet again. I am so excited. To Utah I go for Thanksgiving.  My brother and sisters are scattered all over, so this year was just going to be relaxed. We decided on Chinese food and James Bond for Thanksgiving in place of, stuffing and a tryptophan induced coma.....that was until I got the call****:

"Hey Katie {that's what my mom calls me}, so we might be doing a little cooking after all, turns out Grandma and Grandpa Moore are coming, and Beth, Jake, Lilly, Bella, Toben from California, and Nick and Audrey, and Jen and Darren, and John, Janae, Sean, Sylvia, Josh, Ashley, Megan, Jared, and Meghan, and Curt, Cindy, Becca, Missy, and Johnny, and Steve, Sheryl, Robert, Stacey, Chris, Mindy,  Savannah, David, and their foreign exchange student, and Brad, and Brian and Monja, and Lillian, and most likely Matt, Sandra, Ben + latest girlfriend, Matty + latest girlfriend, Lauren, Tanner, Jacob, Aaron, and Ryan"

Ah yes my peaceful Thanksgiving oogling Daniel Craig after my moo goo gai pan has vanished. And I am THRILLED. Party at the Moore Villa! Jen and DK are bringing Bingo with prizes, I am making dessert, mom is going to outdo herself as usual with dinner, and the guests never disappoint! So come on over....and invite your friends :)  {especially the single, rich, over 30 hot males... I am planning on showering that day and doing my hair :) }

**** my mother is a liar! She never wanted a peaceful Thanksgiving. She told me she did but she lied. Truth be told it has been 5 months since Hannah's wedding therefore 5 months since the last big party! and seeing as all her kids have been married, and the one who isn't still, me, isn't slipping on a garter anytime soon, my mom needs this, a big, giant, loud, fun, party :) love you Teresa. oh and Dad, just to prep you, we will offer to help with the dishes but you will be stuck with most of them.

Consistency: while making bumble bees for a cake today, for the first time ever I read the back of the chocolate bag:

This got me thinking.....when I overheat, I too lose my consistency! I wonder what brings me "back"? {Certainly not 1.5t vegetable shortening} Maybe deep breaths, a nap, cream soda, trying on diamonds, taking a drive, singing about Jesus, stopping by a pet store to hold puppies? I think in life it is important to know what helps you bring your consistency back, and it is important also for the one you love to know this about you too -and vice versa-, just in case you can't/don't see the crazy :)

I have this little table in my house. I have a lot of little bits and pieces. I like to put my bits and pieces on my table. These are the table bits for November:

Margin of Error: with the elections now over, and living in DC....political terms are sneaking into my daily speaking. {and I am guilty of not always using them in proper political ways....you'll see} I was talking with a friend about their recent "break-up", { I know I know writing about breakups is lame, don't worry I am not writing about their particulars} we didn't go into detail or dissect what happened, at the end of the day in most cases it is never a single point on a line that ends the relationship, but more likely it IS the line between the 2 points that made the relationship. I think when people are in love there is a huge margin of error in what people are willing to put up with and forgive and overlook. -in the polls a large margin of error is not a good thing, in love it is-. When love is present, larger quantities of things get forgiven quickly, differences are seen as a good thing, inconsistencies and slips are given a spoon full of sugar as they are managed. The teeter totter can sway greatly and things are still alright. But, there is opposition in all things, and so it must also apply to other way around....when relationships end, sometimes it is easier to pick the other person apart, to now highlight their flaws, scars, and pasts as extreme negatives, and that way, it was them that ruined things, it wasn't your decision, it had to happen because they were A,B,C and no D. I have been guilty of this myself, finding a sly comfort in pointing to the other as the reason why it was over. In the end, not in all cases but in some, it doesn't matter who was what, who did what, who said what...if it's over, it's over and sometimes that is all the reason needed. The margin of error shift doesn't really make it easier to say goodbye or fix the issue. Endings usually hurt, the loss of love always does. Processing it is good, but lying in an emotional coma helps no one. Even amidst all my "loses" {which are few when compared with the grand scheme} I think that truly it is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all. Loving anything, anyone, even if for a short time, always makes you better.

AMAZING RACE: 

So I have a neighbor... I call her Crazy Linda....she knows this, so telling you is not mean. A week and a half ago she came over and asked if I would like to be her accomplice on The Amazing Race. Well, seeing as I adore money, I mean the show, the challenge was accepted. {in case you didn't know the winners win $1,000,000 and even if they don't win they still get to travel all over the world} She is almost 20 years my senior, 6 inches shorter, and the complete opposite to me. She is bossy, controlling, independent....wait that sounds familiar...oh well. I think we would make a hilarious addition to the usuals I've seen. Our application required photos, height, weight, a short bio...and this puppy shot and edited by my dear friends, Dave and Melissa Beh {and yes the camera totally added 24.9 lbs to me}. I am showing you this not because I think I am a natural born thespian and I want your compliments, but more so because I am secure enough to laugh at myself and I thought you may need a little laugh on this Thursday too. Voila:

--I only have the lower resolution version at this moment, but I will post the sharper one later...maybe--

In my last 5 years here, DC has taught me a lot, but I think this is by far the most useful skill: 

one last little look at October....now that it is 4 days over

I decorated just a little....

and I found a Goldilocks costume for the dog....but would it be complete without,

the 3 bears!!!

Out of the mouth of babes:

a spunky little 4 year old came over for playdate, she looked me up and down, nodded then said:

"you are pretty enough to have a boy friend"

"thank you"

"so what's his name?"

"well his name is ____ but he's not my boyfriend any more"

"ya I knew it! because boys always breakup with girls. I am sorry you don't have anyone to kiss you on the mouth anymore"

And then she was off to find a tutu, or a barbie. Oh if "mouth kissing" was all it took, the idealistic view of love from a 4 yr old.

Dog Mommy?!

In Utah you have a dog and it is the thing that lives in a pen or on a chain in the backyard. This pet is usually malnourished, because some genius thought teaching an 8,6,and 4 year old responsability by having them feed the dog was a good idea. The dogs are friendly and never need to be walked because everyone has a backyard.

In DC no one has a yard, people pay $10/walk to have their dogs walked while they work, and the dogs feast on fancy food {not the $25 for 75 lbs. IFA brand my dogs grew up on}.  In DC you are also not an owner but a dog mommy. What joy right? GAG Yesterday while walking Kenza, a lady with a piece of white fluff on the end of a leash stopped me:

"Oh you have the best mommy don't you...you are so cute....she must be so proud to have a beautiful girl like you." And without any verbal acknowledgement to me, she stood up, smiled again -at Kenza-, and kept walking. 

I love Kenza, she is darling, she makes a lot of days really funny, but I am not her mommy! If I had given birth to her....I would: a. consider harming the "xy" that contributed to her conception, b. get a hysterectomy so it could never happen again, c. never parade her around on a leash, d. never ever tell anyone she was mine....ever! I'd tell them she was Hannah's and Max's ;) So DC, albeit fancy, this is not the face of my child: