School Shopping: In honor of school starting....here are a few shoes that I feel are back to school worthy: Lanvin, Louboutin, Burberry

Ah if only I were a principal...

"Ma'am would you please step out of your car": 9 words this "ma'am" never thought she would hear...at least not sober :). Turns out if you license plate looks like this:

(because the bolt is rusted and you can't get it off so you just have one screw and a twisty tie, which evidently fell off, holding it up) you will get pulled over. Apparently it is indicative of a stolen car, hence the hole, "ma'am" scene. So out I go, next thing I know a fleet of cruisers pull up, bullet proof vest emerge {and from the looks of their arms their chest/abs/backs were probably pretty great too, I thought about making a joke like, "hey want to take your shirts off and pat me down haha" and then I thought that would be not the best idea}. The officer inspects the inside of my car with a flashlight then in an odd tone says, "um ma'am will you open your trunk, but before you do, do you know what is in your trunk?" "sure and yes, there is a kitchenaid box and a bag of pillows in my trunk. Can I ask why I am being asked to open my trunk?" at which point the light bulb goes off and I realize on my front seat, which she just looked at, are the following objects: contractor bags, zip ties, duct tape, and my blow torch that I use for creme brulee. Great MK, nice work. They check my I.D. and registration, we chat back and forth, they try to get the bolt off and can't, so we use some duct tape, and then I go home half blind from all the flashing lights, with full kidnapping gear now safely stowed out of sight in the trunk.

Pink-Eye brought to you by Zoe, Dave and Kenza:

so Zoe and Dave had pink-eye, pink-eye got transferred to Kenza, Kenza transferred money from my bank to the vet...but turns out it was kind of worth it to see Kenza motionless the moment this went on! She turns into Slothdog with it...slow movements, no eye contact, it is so sad but oh so funny. Kenza I know what you will be for halloween. You're welcome.

The smashed toe-nail, the 87 degree heat with high humidity, the mess in my bedroom because I am still unpacking, the mosquito bites on my ankles....they do a wonderful job of melting away as I wander and find my self here at midnight. Cinderella turned back into a peasant girl at the stroke of midnight, I get to be worry free by an etherial fountain marveling at the incredible moments life has offered me as the night's chill sets in.....looks like you got the crap end of this deal Princess.

this is when you know you friends really get you....instead of baking you cookies or bringing over a movie or suggesting some draining road trip, "to take your mind of the week", they leave you completely alone, except for sending things like this:

"Minus the cigarette this reminded me of you last week with the construction, your purse being stolen and the other stuff. I can totally visualize you chugging a **beer in a stunning dress and exquisite shoe"

Thanks Friend!

** it should be clarified that I say, "ugh I need a beer" quite often, but I am not in the habit of throwing back a cold one after a long day. I will throw back a box of Fancy Cakes or a really great burger.

Progress:

the apartment construction is finally done! and now I am moving in and arranging. We all know I adore men {more than most I do believe} and last night I spent a bit of time with these 2 - let it be known they weren't all that helpful:

voila my new island,table,storage unit...

it was not looking good, I wasn't lifted, my barre arm was tense, turn-out was a far cry from lovely, my weight was over my heels vs. the ball of my feet, I was my own train wreck in a leotard. Then I started thinking....I am not at an audition, I am not being graded, compared, judged, no one cares that I am here, this is just for me. And everything improved. I was still rusty, but it felt different. The cliches are a dime a dozen on this topic but they clicked as my posture improved and I felt the cool barre on my palms. The 4/4 music faded as I tendued and plied and frapped just for me no one else. I am no prima, but it was really nice. I think I do things initially because I want to but sometimes in the process I stop focusing me, and my intentions {which are really important at times} and my head grows heavy with other worries and I loose the outcome and the joy....that was not the case tonight though....I recovered, and left better than I had hoped.

***this one is a little long, but also a little funny***

DBD #1 Afghan Feast: I don't share much....wait who am I kidding I have shared a lot. A lot about my divorce, a lot about my feeling, my likes, my dislikes, my inconsistencies, but I haven't shared much about my recent dates :) oh there are some real zingers! So as one who loves being single, but also LOVES men....from time to time I have decided to broaden my blopics (blog + topics = blopics) to now include dive bomb dates....DBD's {not BVD's although those are nice too :)} fear not I will never divulge names or relentlessly criticize my dates but some of the situations are just too good......

DBD1: Picture this cool Saturday night, I am in a short little sundress, tall espadrilles with beachy curls and sunkissed cheeks getting ready to meet my date setup by a friend.....a text comes:

"did you get my last text?"

"No"

"well we are having dinner with my brother and his wife, meet us there"

the only thing I will share about him is that: 1. when having a first date....pick a girl up, and 2. dinner with a family member is not the best idea. Our getting to know each other was trumped by his reminiscing with his brother about their past.

Now here is the ZINGER, he picked a very well reviewed afghan restaurant, we got there and the parking lot was packed! but no one was inside? Our server explained the owner's son was killed in a car accident a few days ago and the funeral was being held in the banquet room next to us {this instantly dashed the mood}. From then on the wait staff changed every so often why? oh because they were taking turns speaking at the wake! Server "A" would be gone for a while and then come back teary and say, "it was just so sad he was only 24, my best friend, such a good guy". Server "B" would be gone for a while then come back teary and say, "the car was just split in half, it was so bad, did you see the pictures on the news?". Server "C" would be gone for a while then come back teary and say, "the police said it was the worst accident they had seen in years on I-395". The food was amazing, {although I did secretly wonder if the food they recommended, which we in turn ordered, was actually the same food from the buffet next door} but it was hard to swallow when every few minutes you were met with the devastation a snuffed life brings, that and once again we were the only ones in the restaurant not at the wake in the banquet room. And to top it all off we were also the only ones @ the restaurant out of 300+ not praying on the tablecloths laid out in the parking lot as the sun set. Voila a great start to my sharing of DBD's.

Macgyver take #2: {much more impressive than take #1} I cleaned out my car, then I used it as a truck, but it isn't a truck so sometimes things hang out the back and I need to secure them....but I cleaned out my car and removed the tow straps and ratchet straps- dumb move- so I improvised. Jumper cables. I felt like Macgyver.

***Warning this post contains the word ass 2x, and I get a little angry at the end*****

Have I Ever Told you how much I Hate Teenagers?:

if you are facebook friends with me then you know that last night while pumping gas, my bag was snatched! This kid hopped out of a car, opened my door, grabbed the bag and then jumped into the back window of the get away car and sped off. I didn't even have time to think. The plates had been removed and my legs, while long, were no match for the stupid Ford Fusion {until today I had no bias against Ford, now I see it as an accessory to crime}. Shaken, stirred, frazzled, surprised, you name it I was it. My bag had the typical keys, wallet, and other valuables, but they aren't so valuable at the same time. I am more sad I no longer have a business card with a few address' scratched on the back from a really great day of house hunting, a fortune from a silly chinese cookie that seemed to answer my question- like shaking an 8-ball and getting a "yes", an old photo, and a wrapper from a candy that said something about the human heart. I hate it when I am robbed of my memories! My own memory is above average-not bragging, it's a fact- but I worry that someday I'll forget so I keep my little bits of wonder close. A nostalgic pack-rat, a sentimental fool, a hopeless romantic hoarder......who is ridiculously pissed off that some punk ass teenager stole my mustard yellow Hobo bag filled with stuff that doesn't have any street value!! I don't wish death on you punk ass kid, but in the next gang shooting I hope you get a bullet graze right in the___(insert body part of choosing)_____, just enough to make you re-evaluate your life choices.

Hairloss: Zhu Zhu pets have a sticker on the underside clearly warning not to get too close to hear....Nora is only 2.5 and she can't read :( she was so distraught as she came to me with the toy hamster well-wound in her lovely locks. There was a look of fear then this look of sadness as I handed her the hair that was lost in the tragic accident.

It: Well it happened….it hasn’t happened for a long time…..it hasn’t happened in so long I can’t remember the last time it did, and if you are me, that is so so sad. So what is this “it” you ask, well sometimes when food is good I shake/dance a little, but when food is amazing it makes me laugh. This weekend I had a meal that was so good, the first bite of every course made me laugh. The chilled peach soup, the portebello gruyere sandwich, the lovely petit four spread. The service was annoying and off at every juncture, so front of the house gets a C, but back of the house, oh my you get an A+. I haven’t laughed about much more than my current living situation in maybe 2 months, so between that and enjoying the food so much that I was speechless {yes it does happen}, thoroughly content is how I am starting my Monday.

A few of my favorite things: so I have been crashing at Ruth's because construction is still going on chez moi and she is in Newport, CA :) {thanks Ruthie your the best}. I didn't take much with me because I am sooo ridiculously tired of moving my life around so I just brought a few things, a few of my favorite things: my hair stuff -yes most don't know it but my hair is curly-, and my make-me-smell-like-something-better-than-DC-humidity stuff., and my poof of course. These are definitely a few of my favorite things, the little luxuries {thanks TJ Maxx for making them affordable} that make me secretly feel fancy.

Seattle: is this not the best postmark you have seen in years! {In case you can't tell it says, "Just Dance"}. My friend Cristina sent me the darling birth announcement for her new little Essie that is responsible for this postmark.

3 Weeks: For my, 3 weeks since I should have moved in, Anniversary....I thought I would post a little update on how things are going-in case you aren't up to date my "new" apartment was a victim of water leak damage from 3 floors up resulting in the need to basically rip out 1/2 the drywall, all the flooring and redo- I should be in by next weekend, so come and visit! {but if you need a place a stay Labor Day weekend, don't pick here cause I am going north.} other pics of my place are: here, here, and here

Last week: demo had just started and I could still sneak in and sleep there

This week: tile is almost done, new drywall is hung, just waiting for grout, mud, and paint.

so I made a cake: A dear friend had a birthday so I made a cake. It's a little creation of mine, haven't tasted it, it could be vile...but just in case it isn't here you have it.

Chocolate Espresso Cake with Cream Cheese Icing and Hazelnut Praline

{she doesn't like buttercream, she adores coffee, caramel, and nuts}

Grow into Life: Lil had a heart attack last week, she is home now. Hearing about it almost gave me one of my own; technology is wonderful and I love it when we talk but I do wish I were closer. As we talked last night she offered such timely advice on life. "Sometimes it feels like someone is just looking at a baby and tell it to get up and start running! Run baby run! It hasn't even crawled yet." I continued thinking about it after the conversation, how we expect so much so fast but we don't always realize that even as adults, we still have to grow into life. This little video - while done for the olympics - provides decent visuals...

The origins of this bit of wonder: my little brother and his darling wife {Nick and Audrey} have a friend, who I hate! Okay not really, she is lovely but I dislike that she gets to live in France :) while there she blogs and shoots charming videos of her family

No Worries:

"Can I use your phone to call my boyfriend, he is late picking me up and I think he may have forgotten"

"Ya no worries"

"Your phone got dropped" as she hands me back my now flickering phone and just walks away, no thank you, no "sorry", she simply stated the obvious. Needless to say I think I love teenagers less than mosquito bites. No worries

We all know by now somedays I feel I should have been a princess....but I have also decided I should have been:

a lawyer: then I could clearly and concisely get my points across

a doctor: then when I hurt I could fix it, or at least know how

a pilot: then when I wanted to go I could....I guess I'd have to be rich too, planes are pricey

a psychologist or some other kind of ist: then I would understand what people are really saying

a monk: then I could watch the sunsets in Nepal with inner peace

yep I think that about does it.

Drowning: yes personal life sometimes gets in the way. Emotional takes over logical and you can't convince yourself that it is alright...it happens. And when it does I want to drowned! But that would be a bad idea because I haven't worn my Valentino shoes yet! {and my hair looks really great} So I am just going to drowned my emotions with Dr. Pepper. Usually my drug of choice is cream soda but today is not a usual kind of day so I am bringing in all 23 smooth flavors.

Autocorrect: so recently I have had a few rather choice moments with my autocorrect on my cell phone, here are 3 of them in order of easiest to hardest to overcome:

to a friend who had thanked me for being in his "path"- mind you this a strictly plutonic friend with a wife and kids that I adore and we have all known each other for 10 years-

what I wanted to say :

"I too am glad we have shared paths"

what autocorrected:

"I too am glad we have shared baths"

to a pastry client I had never met who texted me that her son had just passed away so she would have to cancel her order.

what I wanted to say:

"Janette I am so so sorry"

what autocorrected

"Janette I am so so dirty"

to a single guy from church -whom I do not fancy if you will- who sent a mass text asking people to help a girl move:

what I wanted to say:

"Count me in, I'd love to"

what autocorrected

"Count me in, I love you"

maybe I need to be more thorough in my editing before I hit send, maybe I need to turn autocorrect off, maybe I need to slow {ha ya not happening}. Whatever the case may be all I know is after wanting to remain invisible at church, I am now very very visible to at least one after professing my love last night!

Dear Kraft:

I, like many others, enjoy your products from time to time. However, today I enjoyed my take on mac and cheese just a pinch more than yours, it took 20 min longer but it was pretty great.

MK

gemelli noodles, garlic sharp cheddar bachemel, fresh basil parmesan bread crumbs

combine and bake to perfection:

Squatter: funny thing construction...sometimes in the middle of it you have to put all your stuff under tarps so it doesn't get dusty.....another funny thing is that construction sometimes forces you to stay elsewhere-{prepare for the really long run on sentence that will follow}- but if you are me you are so tired of moving and having your life in 2 different storage sheds that when the promise of something appears and then is ripped from you, you just hold on to the hope as long as you can and instead of moving yet again to a temporary place for a few weeks or stay in a hotel -good luck finding one that allows dogs- you sneak in at night after construction has ceased and sweep a space big enough to put your mattress down on a piece of plastic because even dusty and tarped it feels like home and you need one thing in your life to be going right or at least feeling right and sleeping on my bed with my down comforter right now is that thing. But I still kinda feel like a squatter.

behold my kitchen/living room turned bedroom

behold my makeshift Murphy bed :)

by the time the crews get here each morning they have no idea I slept here