it was not looking good, I wasn't lifted, my barre arm was tense, turn-out was a far cry from lovely, my weight was over my heels vs. the ball of my feet, I was my own train wreck in a leotard. Then I started thinking....I am not at an audition, I am not being graded, compared, judged, no one cares that I am here, this is just for me. And everything improved. I was still rusty, but it felt different. The cliches are a dime a dozen on this topic but they clicked as my posture improved and I felt the cool barre on my palms. The 4/4 music faded as I tendued and plied and frapped just for me no one else. I am no prima, but it was really nice. I think I do things initially because I want to but sometimes in the process I stop focusing me, and my intentions {which are really important at times} and my head grows heavy with other worries and I loose the outcome and the joy....that was not the case tonight though....I recovered, and left better than I had hoped.