Check Please: so I am finding, while wading through the pool, that there are certain phrases that make me want to scream, "CHECK PLEASE" and run not walk away. Here are the most recent ones and how I wanted to respond but did not :) because I am a lady!

"So tell me, what IS your love language"
Eyes up here dude, and like you care! Seeing we are both "physically" inactive by choice, I am pretty sure I know exactly what you think your love language is!

"I bet you would look really good in a bikini"
I bet not, because now that winter is approaching, I am pale, don't shave my legs near as often, and with the latest Hurricane Sandy scare, I figure the safest thing for me is to carry my food storage with me at all times, in the form of a muffin top. So no I don't. Stop thinking, it's not your strong suite. 

"So tell me about the other guys you are seeing"
Well right now I am with you so who cares? Are you so insecure you are insisting on knowing your competition so you can one up them? ...Fine, I am seeing a 6'3" pediatric neurosurgeon, with dipples, prefect teeth, who loves his mom, does humanitarian work, grew up on a ranch, strongman trains, has perfect grammar, and drives a Range Rover. There, that is your competition. Oh and he speaks perfect french, italian, and japenese, has a puppy, wants marriage, and a family, and only calls me Kate because he picked up that I like that, and he likes to sail, and loves rubbing my feet. Tell me more about you

"I think you need me send me a picture of you"
I think you need to shut your mouth and eat your food before I claw out your eyes, because we both know the type of picture you are referring to and there is no way that is happening. 

So voila, you would think that I am digging at the bottom of a stenchy swamp in the forgotten quadrant of the humid area of the world for these men....but I am not. They all appear stalwart and proper. Never judge a man by an argyle vest :)