Thursday, May 15, 2014

DBD #13 Testosterone Feast: I drive to his house, I usually do on first dates when I don't know the guy, that way I always have a getaway. {You know, if they are cannibals or something.} I knock, he answers, cargo shorts, bare feet, messy t-shirt, toweling off his wet hair. I suddenly realize my pea coat, skinny jeans, wedges, and coiffed hair is a bit much.  He invites me in, makes small talk in the entry, I of course am waiting for the, "let me grab my keys, what type of food sounds good to you?" but instead, "do you understand basketball?" Is this a trick question? There isn't all that much to understand. "I like to think so"..."Good the game is on" and then he is off to the living room. Still standing in the entry, feeling so very awkward because I thought he was joking, I take of my jacket throw it on the end table, and dazed and confused I follow. I plop down about half a body away from him and he scoots right up in my business. Just then, his brother walks in from the hallway {I thought he lived alone}. "Hey guys, mind if I work out during the game?" Is this a trick question? Yes, yes we do. Read between the lines. "Oh and I am better looking than my brother, and older. " hmmm better looking and older are not in your favor. If you are older and better looking and still single, you just revealed that you must not have a personality at all, or you would be married. Man I wish I were mean, if I said 17% of what I Anyway, he proceeds to pull out a weight bench and a set of dumbbells  inches from where we are sitting. Huffing and puffing he does his reps. Meanwhile, my "date" {Mark} is rewinding every good move in the game, while working his arm around me, while also giving form advice to his brother's workout. {quite the multi-tasker} The advice isn't well received so up he pops and over to the bench he goes. For the next 10+ min I feel like I am watching youtube fitness with tweedle dee and tweedle dum. Pullups from the rope in the ceiling, lunges, dips, curls, they really went all out. Next thing I know I am handed a stack of blue prints, the tweedles are building houses right next to each other. And for the next 20+ min I am sandwiched between these two, listening to how one is going with the upgraded ceiling, while the other is going with upgraded fixtures, how one lawn is 12cm larger, but one has better curb appeal. And just when I think I can't handle it, off the brother goes, he just shoots up and is gone to his room I assume. We are alone again, and Mark goes in for a move -not sure what sign he read, I didn't give him any- not sure if he is going to try for a kiss, or a gropey hug, or a whisper in my ear, but he is so close and the anticipation of his next move is palpably awkward for me, just then he........saved! In comes his idiot brother, with a walker! Turns out all the cross fitters use it, it's an "awesome core work out", and the path for the walker routine is in front of the TV.  So here I am on the couch, with Mark still all over me, and his brother waddling along with a walker in front of the TV. I think my mouth must have been open the whole time because I really thought at some point one of them would bust up and laugh and tell me they had been joking, but neither did.  I was the only one who seemed to mind dating 2 brothers on the same night, during their "sick" workout. I told Mark I was jetlagged and that I had to get home, his response, "Well how about tomorrow you come over and cook us dinner? You're a chef right? You know, I'd like to see you every night you're here in Utah. Or we could go running, or do a crossfit workout together" All I could say was, "Wow I am really tired. Have a good night you two." The door closed, I contained my horror and laughter, and I never saw Mark or his crossfit brother again. Is it possible to sue the universe for doing this to me?

1 comment:

  1. Wow...if that was as bad as you describe it might be possible to sue the universe