There were a few last gifts that needed to be taken to neighbors and I volunteered. Teresa gave me the remaining 3 gifts for her dear friends -who I had grown up with- and I was off.

House #1, her son was my good friend, he took his life 3 years ago this Christmas. We sat and talked and I couldn't believe how happy and lovely she remained. I wondered how I was so lucky myself to still be alive after wanting to seriously end my life several times a few years ago.

House #2, her daughter and I went to school together, her husband was our bishop, he had died of cancer this year at the age of 55. This was there first Christmas without him. I wished them happy holidays then hugged my friend and over her shoulder saw the last family picture they took together, I had to hold back tears, I wondered how I was so lucky to have a father to hug that night.  A father that should have been dead over 20 years ago.

House #3 didn't answer, but a tiny tree was decorated by the front door, with pictures of their son who was killed in a 4-wheeling accident just a few months earlier.  I wondered how I was so lucky to still have my wild biking little brother who sent me funny cat texts earlier that day. Any one of his many accidents should have killed him. 

It is a magical time of year as they say. But it me hit a little harder than it usually does. I am not sure if it is the snow or the lights or the gifts or the closeness of family or the fact that I am still waiting to exhale from my change of almost 6 years in DC, but I feel blessed, and loved, and watched over, and oh so grateful for the incredible people in my life.