The Place: Love is a funny thing, it is different for everyone, and every relationship they cultivate. No two loves are ever the same, and how I love, love! That being said, in my 30's, my look on love is very different than it used to be, and I have found myself in a very interesting place.  Over the past 2+ years since d-day, I have had many charming dates/relationships. Some were just comically bad, ending before a full date transpired, some {okay just one} lasted a long time and became beautiful memories, some were destined for friendship and I adore them, and all the "others" were something entirely different and subsequently, potentially, added to this "place" in which I find myself.  Quite frankly I didn't know it existed.  The "other" men I dated became neither friends nor loves, because to them I wasn't a woman, to them I was: a convenience, a place holder till an "er": better/smaller/funnier/quieter/prettier came along, a processor, something to cross off a check list, a beard (yes I am pretty sure one of the men I dated was gay...who doesn't kiss a girl after 5 months!), and a rebound among other things. None of the men really truly wanted ME, they just needed to fill an aching void and I was close.  I'm sure along the way I've done the same. This is not single to men, and never fear this didn't turn me off to love or men.  I now just have this new little thought, maybe it's a fear, maybe it's a worry, or maybe it's an observation....at any case it is The Place in which my love capacity is residing, and in this place, I am not sure I know anymore, how it feels to be wanted, cherished, truly loved in a relationship just for being me.  When I go on dates, I expect nothing, I don't expect goose bumps, or butterflies, or connection. I find myself weary of telling my same story, desensitized to whether or not he opens doors, compliments me, and or kisses me, scared he will be just one more looking to fill a void, thus added one more brick to the place. I am far from bitter, and love men!, and love love, but, I do wonder what it will be like, feel like, look like, when I am really truly wanted again.  Until then, I am in this newish oldish "place", not quite sure what to make of how I feel, so instead of over thinking, I am happy, loving life, and having so much fun, but simply curious, when I will get a new zip code, one that is brighter than this place. {and hoping tremendous excitement for love will find me again}