Last year, just before moving to Utah, my neighbor Linda and I decided to send in an audition tape for The Amazing Race . We weren't selected, but while in China these past few days, I am fairly confident we would have won.  Day #4 brought an onslaught of undesirable physical issues due to a combo of mystery food and contaminated drinking water. I was shaken not stirred, but my friend was not so lucky. It was up to me to: find a food store, buy clean water, ramen noodles we could cook in our room, and the chinese equivalent of peptobismal.  Confident I could manage this task, I got suited up in a darling dress with hair back, and headed off. Down to the lobby I skipped knowing I would return victorious..... "you want marp?" "no I need a map...a MAAAPP" Chinese heads shaking back and forth, no one understanding anything....blerg. I left.  Out on the streets I determined my land marks and headed out. A few blocks away I found a market and quickly maneuvered the aisles finding juice, saltiness, and ramen. Everything was in characters however, so I wasn't really sure the flavors. As far as I knew it was baby panda flavored with chunks of dog. I didn't care. Off to the check out only to be met with the fact that american cards don't work ! So I had to mime time I was going to an ATM and to leave my groceries because I would be back. I thought I did rather well, but let's be honest she probably thought I was epileptic. ATM found, food and water bought, off to the pharmacy. More charades, this time about an upset stomach, but they brought a twinkle to the women's eyes who were working there. Next thing I know I am whisked throughout the pharmacy with attendants on every side chattering and handing me bottles. Awesome! Finally a little help...until one touches my stomach and says, "so tiny" at which point I realize I suck at charades, because they think I am preggers. On a happy note I only appear in my first trimester to them, so that's good...I think. Back to square one. A crude drawing of an angry stomach, more charades, and I was off with what I hoped was pepto-ish... and not some form of Chinese laxatives or Viagra. Mission accomplished. I felt victorious. I managed to leave a hotel in a very modern city, buy some things at a modern market, and head back all without getting lost or kidnapped for the sex trade.  Small victories people, it's all about small victories. And I would have won amazing race.