Monday, October 29, 2012

DBD #3 & 4 All American Feast: oh this one is my favorite! As a disclaimer the guy was really great, I was really excited, he was attractive, smart, funny, and then he dissed my hair, bad move jackass. Oh ya forgot to mention I will be calling him a jackass from time to time. We met at the restaurant and the first comment was:

"I broke my ban on women when I saw your profile on LDSsingles"
"so is that patriot hair?"
"what?"
"you know, you look like a pioneer or like a patriot soldier with that hair."
"um it rained and I didn't bring an umbrella so I had to put my hair up."

then he dissed my favorite perfume...as I leaned across to grab an extra napkin he inhaled and said:

"you smell like OFF"
"the mosquito repelant?"
"ya"
"well it's Geurlain from Paris and it is my favorite"
"well it smells like OFF"

So after insulting my hair, perfume, nails, it just kept going. Dinner wasn't all that bad, the restaurant was noisy so we didn't really get to talk but he did walk me to my car and we talked there. Oh did I say we talked I meant he continued to find flaws.

"um how old IS your car", "do you ever wash it" -no jackass in the 12 years I have owned it I have never washed it. "really your hair does look like a patriot"

It was also at this juncture that I found out he was 35, lived with his parents who used to be Miss America Judge consultants, and he had put off college to pursue a career in professional wrestling! And due to the association with Miss America all his life, it was then I realized without: chicken cutlets -those fake boob things-, eyelash extensions, a spray tan, spanx, bleached teeth, blown out hair, and airbrushed make-up, I would never never be "enough". He didn't care what I did, what I'd done, what I was passionate about, or what made me tick. To All America Feast I was simply a flawed object unworthy of his majesty. But don't worry a few weeks later he texted me and said while he wasn't interested in me in any way shape or form, if I wanted to be, I could be his "wing bit*h" and help him find a "hottie". Thanks but no thanks, I have a few toe nails to rip out after I pull out each leg hair individually because that just sounds more fun than shaving.

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