The" Y" in my life: I have xx not xy and I like it. I don't wish I was a boy, I love being a woman and I love men :) and I love the men in my life. But my favorite xy is my dad, Gary. Tonight while on the phone with him he said, "hey you want to hear something cool?"..."sure dad"... "okay be really quiet" ..."ounkkkkk shhhhh ounkkkkk shhhh ounkkkkk shhh" ...then the sound of my dad laughing quietly, then louder as the phone was brought back to his mouth, "your mom is so tired, did you hear her snoring?!" ....me laughing..."ya daddy, you are hilarious, have fun sleeping next to that!" How often does an adult daughter get to have conversation that great? We talked about the usual, Kenza, work, boys, he gave me a pointer to getting my break pads off, and then I got to listen to mom snore. So great. I love how my relationship with him has progressed.

{stop reading here if you like short and sweet blog posts, I am feeling long winded tonight and I really love my father so this could take a while, I won't be offended if you stop reading}

When I was 8 I remember sitting on our brown ad black striped couched in the house on Willow Court. Mom sat us all down and we knew something was wrong..dad was sick and she told us he may not live for as long as we had thought. From that moment on I distanced myself from him and everyone. How can you miss something you didn't love? Exactly, you can't. So I stopped loving as best as I could. 10 years later I witnessed a miracle. That word is thrown around all the time and some don't believe and think miracles are silly, but I know they are real. Every doctor said he should have been dead. 10 years ago my dad had an operation it's been 11 years since then and he is just fine, better than ever. His arms don't bend like they used to, his knee is replaced with surgical steel, he still hurts from the damage that the arthritis did but he is alive, he mows his lawn religiously, he loves his family desperately, and tonight he put the phone up to my snoring mother because he thought it was funny, and it was. 11 years ago when I found out he wasn't going to leave me I started to love again, starting with him. It was a gradual process that started slow but has gained tremendous speed over time. Now I like to think and hope that I love fearlessly, freely, and I don't worry about letting people in, because I learned from keeping him out that one's heart is too precious a thing to be kept from the wonder that comes from loving others. He taught me to catch, to love God, to mow a lawn, to change a tire, to fix a door knob, to pick a lock, to be strong, to be brave, and in unconventional ways, because I complicate things sometimes...he taught me how to love.