{Divorce post coming at you but don't worry it's not emotional or mushy I just use the word once or twice}

Identity: our identity is who we are, it is what sets us apart, makes us unique. As a married couple you develop an identity, but it is crucial have your own individual identities as well. While being "one" and "united" is essential on many fronts, having a personal identity is so very important. "Married" is not who you are, it is a part of what you are. "Who" you are is an entirely different matter. Are you kind, patient, funny, short fused, service oriented, selfish around the edges, are you a closet couch potato, an in the shower singer, are you that person that pretends you are the orchestral conductor when a great song come on the car radio, do you dance in the kitchen, cry during Free Willy, secretly love the smell of permanent markers, are you afraid of the dark, do you swallow your gum, do you compulsively clean your car, bite your nails, or quietly fear the future, do you keep your fridge stocked with veggies because you like the idea but then weeks later end up with a crisper full of brown watery mess because idea and reality are 2 different things? You get my point. {and some but not all of those are part of my identity, I will let you guess which is which} Our quirks and loves and inconsistencies make us, us. When I got divorced I stopped doing all the things "we" did together because I was afraid it would hurt too bad. Some of the things we did, were also things I loved so in not doing them I allowed fear to govern my actions, and my identity suffered. As time has gone on I realized that is silly, I was crazy in love at one time and he and I did some great things together and I can still do those same things without him and without gobs of oozzy pain because I maintained my own identity. Here is a small list of things I avoided because I was scared, and the time it took to me to get over myself:

• Best Buy: 6 months upon my return, oh giant TV's how I love you and your 1080p/LED/65" glory, a girl can dream

• Buffalo Wild Wings: 2 months this was too long! I love wings! I love spicy garlic & can pound them like nobodies business

• Caps game on the glass: 8 months I go to Caps games all the time but I never sit on the glass even though I've had offers because that was an "us" thing....moron! it can also be a me thing. I adore hockey, I adore him for introducing me to it but it is okay for that to be "my" thing. Thanks Beh's for pulling me out of that slump! Laich I have missed seeing you up close and personal :)

So the moral of the story...I am learning not to let the fear of potentially stepping into the past for a minute, prohibit me from living life. Just because you shared something with someone you once loved does not mean it now has to be a faux pas or prohibited. Life is so that we may have joy and have it more abundantly and I feel that being true to your own person {and kick ass hockey seats with friends} brings that joy.