{FYI this is NOT a perky quirky funny post, give me a day or 2 to reset if you want that. Again this is not that kind of post. It is overly personal and a bit bitting but I have never been one who only shows the pretty, safe sides of life, my life and I are much too real for that}

Somewhat Pathetic: so I have mentioned my storage shed before. It is the 10x10 space where my life currently resides. I don't sleep there but all the things that visually define me do. Okay remember that....moving on....Yesterday was odd, a day that I don't have nor like to have often. It was a day when I felt so many emotions. Let's just list them off:

• happy: it started out great with breakfast at Eastern Market with Ruth and her darling nephew, Andrew David. We had a wonderful little morning. Then this happened: (?)
• lonely: so far from home, so alienated from so many of my friends due to being single again and living in DC vs. MD
• confused: I have no idea what is next. Back to school?back to restaurants?open the bakery?stay here?just screw it all and move to France and work with a chef there?
• hate: (and here is where it get's overly personal) yesterday I hated my ex-husband and I have never done that, I hated him for marrying me, I hated him for not trying in the end -even though the outcome would have been the same-, I hated him for moving on before it was over, I hated him for posting a photo with his new fiance and her kids on facebook , I hated the people (yes that's plural) who texted me to look on facebook because they felt I should know he had just changed his photo, and then I hated me for a minute for dwelling in the past and hating someone I once loved so dearly. I got over myself. ( and I don't really hate him)
• unsettled: I have no place to call home, no place that is all mine, where I can recharge and have peace. My space here in DC is perfectly located and I love it, but it lacks peace, lacks space, hence the above mentioned shed :)

With all these feelings I tried to get out, tried to get away, but I was exhausted from the week so I got in my car and drove to a scenic overlook maybe 5 min away to clear my head. (spoiler alert it's not that scenic, GW parkway lies a lot) I found some nail polish in my back seat so I painted my nails, then watched hulu on my cell phone while my nails dried-yes I am still in my car at this point in the story maybe slightly high from polish fumes- they dried, then I started driving again and found myself in a place that used to cause pain but now was somewhat of a solace. The storage shed. I had to switch out some clothes and grab a painting. The shed is my little secret no one has seen it, no one knows about it, no one can get to it. So there you have it...somewhat pathetic like I said. In a single day, I hated my ex husband for silly reasons, I painted my nails in the car, I found a little hope while maneuvering through a storage shed and thinking on some day. Oh and don't worry there were tears too but, in my defense, I haven't cried for months so I was due! I have never professed to being simple or making much sense but yesterday I was somewhat pathetic. So don't worry if you find yourself in this type of place, it is okay from time to time. We are human, we need to feel and push through the hard days that have no explanations.