31:As the clock turned from 23:59 to 0:00, and the date changed from April 16th to April 17th,  I was officially 31. I quietly peeked in on my darling children fast asleep, their curly hair still wet from the late night bath. I walked out on the deck to breath in the crisp mountain air, the reflection of the moon on the lake was like a gift.  When I was sufficiently chilled, Kenza, who had followed me out, and I headed up stairs to bed...but not before a quick midnight snack, chia seed pudding with plums, yum. I crawled in next to my amazing husband and found that indescribable comfort as he, in sleep, rolled over, kissed me, whispered, "Happy Birthday" and then drifted back to the dream I had pulled him from. As I laid there, knowing full well rounds at the hospital started in 4 hours! 4th year is brutal, I couldn't help but think this year was to be the best yet.

Funny right? the differences between where you thought you'd be and where you are? That is where I thought I'd be.....here is where I was:

As the clock turned from 23:59 to 0:00 I laid motionless floating in the condo pool {it closes at 22:00 and I didn't want the security guard to kick me out. This was tradition!}. I swam a few quiet laps, mistook a bunch of clouds for the milky way, realized I was sufficiently pruney  and I got out, went back up to the apartment, and quietly went back to my room hoping to not run into one of my roommates' many "girlfriends" on their way out. I hopped in the shower, which is currently the storage area for my beach glass and shell collection, rinsed but no repeat, got out and pushed the stack of cookbooks off to one side to make room for myself in bed. Once in, I realized I was starving, and not wanting to go to the kitchen, and not having any food in the kitchen, I remembered there was still some sausage in my closet! Awesome German dry sausage I had bought a few weeks back while I was in Germany. I was saving it for some charming dinner I was going to have with Mr. Right, should I eat it now? Who am I kidding, I am 31, my ex just got married again, my back up plan just got engaged, my phone is soiled with evidence from one bad Tinder date after another, of course I am going to eat it! No knife required, I just gnawed on it in bed. And all I could do is laugh. If you asked me 10 years ago if I thought I would be a single, pastry chef, living in Singapore, celebrating 31 alone with processed meat, freshly painted red nails, and a funny smell from the shells in the shower wafting under the door...I would have told you that sounds pathetic. But here I am, and it is bliss. And I don't look back and wish things had gone differently. Life has been kind, God has been good, my picture is not what I had planned, what I had foreseen, and maybe that was the problem, maybe this year I will just live in the now and not wonder so much about the tomorrows. One thing I do know, one thing that will never change, is the love and gratitude I hold for the people, family and friends, that have been a part of this chaotic kaleidoscope I know as my life. Thank you for 31.