June 28: one year ago today I boarded a plane with Kenza {my trusty french bulldog} and in typical Monica Kate fashion, showed up at my parent's house unannounced. Kenza ran in first and scared my mom half to death, then one look at me and she was in tears-m
y mom not Kenza- because she knew what me being in Utah meant, I had left my husband. It was a difficult day, it was a day that changed me forever. It was a day when I felt brave and strong, and broken and confused. {it should be noted that this wasn't a flippant decision because he forgot to make the bed, this was one that was made after months of hitting walls on multiple fronts with no resolution, divorce should never be your first choice} One year later I find it so so odd that I am once again at my parent's house. 9914 N. 4000 W. and I am such a different person. I am content and at peace and I no longer lie awake and question. I love what I have learned about me and about people. I know now that there is life after making the hard decisions. And not just life, but adventure, and love, and wonder. Adventure in the simple, adventure in the close, adventure in the unknown. Love for others, love for self, and a healing so that love love isn't a fear anymore. Wonder in the beginning of a new chapter, wonder in how 365 days can go so fast and feel like an eternity all at the same time. I cannot say I would wish to do this again, but I will always hold this specific year as such a marvelous one because amidst the tears on the kitchen floor, and the mornings of not wanting to face the day, the lawyers, and courts, and papers, and loosing my friend, I found parts of me that were lost, parts of me I never knew were there, and above all one year later I am a better person for making a hard decision and I am at peace. I am far from done, far from perfect, far from blameless or ready or complete, but, one year later and I am smiling because I am standing on 2 feet and no longer in need of tears on the kitchen floor.
y mom not Kenza- because she knew what me being in Utah meant, I had left my husband. It was a difficult day, it was a day that changed me forever. It was a day when I felt brave and strong, and broken and confused. {it should be noted that this wasn't a flippant decision because he forgot to make the bed, this was one that was made after months of hitting walls on multiple fronts with no resolution, divorce should never be your first choice} One year later I find it so so odd that I am once again at my parent's house. 9914 N. 4000 W. and I am such a different person. I am content and at peace and I no longer lie awake and question. I love what I have learned about me and about people. I know now that there is life after making the hard decisions. And not just life, but adventure, and love, and wonder. Adventure in the simple, adventure in the close, adventure in the unknown. Love for others, love for self, and a healing so that love love isn't a fear anymore. Wonder in the beginning of a new chapter, wonder in how 365 days can go so fast and feel like an eternity all at the same time. I cannot say I would wish to do this again, but I will always hold this specific year as such a marvelous one because amidst the tears on the kitchen floor, and the mornings of not wanting to face the day, the lawyers, and courts, and papers, and loosing my friend, I found parts of me that were lost, parts of me I never knew were there, and above all one year later I am a better person for making a hard decision and I am at peace. I am far from done, far from perfect, far from blameless or ready or complete, but, one year later and I am smiling because I am standing on 2 feet and no longer in need of tears on the kitchen floor. 
I'm happy for you, Monica!
ReplyDeletexoxo