***{I did it! This is my official last post on my divorce.... things are resolved and things are good,we've moved on but I thought I'd share just one more overly personal post on the mini saga that was the divorce of Monica and Nathan Fish}***
Clarity: 2 years ago I went to have my eyes checked...20/20 perfect as usual. Then 6 month later things were not that way! Went back in....hello Monica 4-eyes. When I put the glasses on for the first time, things were clear and it was wonderful to be back to business as usual. May 23, 2009 {yep my wedding day} everything was clear 20/20 but as time went on things got foggy and I don't think Nathan or I really noticed the extent. It's been almost a year since I moved out and things have been far from clear. There will be bright moments, but there is always this lingering haze of unknown even still between us. Well Wednesday changed that all. Recent events in a nutshell...he sent me nasty texts, I responded almost in kind, then decided living in fear of horrible texts was no way to live so I filed a restraining order. He was served then Wednesday we had to appear. I showed, he didn't because he lives out of state but he had sent a letter. Hours of waiting, court appointed attorneys and I could just feel my soul shrinking. The decision was made, his request for a phone hearing wouldn't be granted, he had to show up in person for the restraining order to go into affect and me to have my peace back. My heart sank. He had gone from a man I loved to a man I know feared seeing for only a minute in a matter of 1 year. What happened? I went home fell on the kitchen floor and sobbed. June 27th I would have to, he said she said, in court with him. I didn't want to see him. The attorney said my case was solid and the order would be granted, everyone said keep the court date. I went against what everyone said and stared my fear directly in the face, I picked myself up off the floor, mopped up the tears and dialed Nathan. At one time I love him dearly and I thought I would just one last time, give him the benefit of the doubt. "Hey it's me, can we talk?" -my voice is shakey and I am freezing even though it is 82 degrees- "Today has been crazy, I know you are at work but I need you to just listen Nate...." and 30 min later I had peace. I told him I was afraid, he said he had been wrong, there were misunderstandings, and he was so sorry, we acknowledged our lows, and our faults, we both said our sorry(s) and wished the other well. In a single, civil, much needed conversation, we both found more clarity than any court could have ever offered . Previous feelings of fear and complete devastation melted away, healing I didn't even know was needed happened, and things were back to business as usual between us. {it should be said that in some cases this is not the best route! In cases with more evidence and fear than I had, court may be the best route. I however had not had years of nasty Nate, I'd never been hit, or truly threatened so I opted to try my way} We are no longer in love, but I like to think after this we can still have love for each other. We hung up, I called the courts, told them I was dropping the order against Nathan, then I dropped to my knees again this time in gratitude that an end I had prayed for, a resolution I thought would be years in the making, only took a few minutes on the phone...and once again I had clarity. I can only hope it did the same for him.