Hot Yoga: this doesn't sound right, not in Singapore. Just bending down to tie a shoe outside feels like hot yoga. Hot yoga sounds like an excuse not to use air conditioning! But there was a groupon, so why not. When I called to schedule my class, "yes Mr. Moore we have mats and towels here for you when you come" (pronouns can be so tricky on the phone). When I arrived, I was handed a small hand towel and found my mat. I looked around and everyone else had a full size towel on their mat, everyone but me. Towels are provided, for your face, not your mat, something they neglected to inform me. So to keep it short, it went like this, 3 minutes into the first pose, my sweat is dripping onto my mat. 4 minutes in I try to go into down dog and I step in my sweat and slip. Basically the next 56 minutes were no different. It was like yoga on a slip and slide…I was a hot mess. I was the only caucasian in the class, the instructor couldn't stop staring, and to make matters worse, I had makeup on, so by the time I was done with yoga, my mat was a Jackson Pollock-esque masterpiece of medium beige face sweat. But I will be back, with a towel, and a fresh face.

Control: it is one of my long time, on and off again, loves. Oh how I adore the crisp sharp feeling that comes from a life in which I have, total control. Oh how I bask in the personal gratification that fills me when I know I have complete control of a situation…..but what of life when it is spiraling like a kite without a string? What of me when the situation is jagged and seemingly awry at every turn like a hungry toddler at nap time? What then? ….well, then I realize I have been lying to myself and I never, nor do any of us, have control over life or situations. There is really truly only thing I have control over, my weather.  I cannot control who says what,  who does what, when the post will come, or how long the queue at the bank will be, I cannot control traffic, or train times, or the language comprehension of the guy on the other end of the customer service call, but I can control my reaction.  I can appear on site like a tsunami, taking no prisoners, showing no mercy, dominating the scene with great force. This will ensure my presence is known, but rarely if ever does this type of behavior rectify an issue. When a situation is less than prime, I can retreat and allow giant pools of lava to boil beneath my surface as I find refuge in bag of orange cheese flavored crispiness (cheetos, lays, ruffles, there are so many delightful choice), this will again, solve nothing. Storms come from time to time, that is true. Rain is necessary for growth; some tears are important. For the most part however, life is best on clear calm days. Sunny days, with a light breeze and mild temperatures. Life happens regardless, it takes no breaks, there are no time outs. Crisis' and joys will be unwavering and constant, and the only solace is sometimes found when I am at peace knowing full well I can control only one thing, my "weather".

DBD #15 not a full date, just a text: Sometimes normal really great guys, send Dive Bomb Texts! Not much description is needed, it's pretty awesome. The following is a conversation we had a few days ago. (I mention being 152, that's most likely only at 5am naked on a scale after peeing and not eating for a week.)  He is on the left, my responses are on the right Enjoy:

Nothing like adding a picture of a ripped athlete to make you feel awesome right? And this is why somedays I am slightly momentarily terrified, sure I should just accept my fate and start adopting babies and forget about dating….technology has ruined dating. At the click of a button you can show me where I could be…slick. Somebody please pass the nachos with a side of wings and mac and cheese. Andrea Ager, you are tight, but I am fine being a bit loosey goosey.

Singapore is small and so bustling, and most days I am in love with being here. It has allowed me beautiful introspection, growth in areas I thought that were deja grown, and a deeper appreciation for family and the importance of dear friends. These discoveries often come at this, my favorite time of day:

on the balcony at night when the weather cools, the day is done, one can fully exhale without distraction or menacing thought and just look at the beauty in the silence of the moment. Exhaustion fades, and gives way to a peaceful end of yet another day. 

So intstagram and Facebook and blogging mom friends of mine are always posting awesome smoothie recipes. "My kids love it and they didn't even know it was packed with kale", "Our awesome morning routine, I love my #blentec #soogood#healthnut" "Getting fit for summer with this awesome coconut water, chia, patchouli, squash, oregano, dill, berry shake #30hereicome, #takethatironman" okay those aren't real quotes but you get the idea. So tonight after a long swim, I was too tired to chew so I took what was in the fridge and blended the crap of it. Voila dinner:

1 avacado (cut the moldy bit off)

1 over ripe mango (peel first)

1/2 cucumber

1 really ugly frozen banana

1 of my roommates blueberry yogurts (that guy never takes out the trash, leaves the door unlocked, leaves his clothes in the wash for days! so I can't use the machine….he owes me! rant over)

1 small handful of mixed greens

3/4 c raw rolled oats

2 c H2O

mix on high for about 2 minutes. And enjoy…..actually no! What on earth made me think this would be awesome? This was the worst tasting smoothie ever, it looked like baby puke and had an overpowering overripe mango flavor, with a hint of spa day from the cucumber. #iwillneverbeasmoothieaholic. #seriousfail, #noiamnotasmoothiechef, #shouldveeatennoodles

just once i'd like to:

don't get any ideas, this isn't a bucket list of natural wonders I'd like to see before I die, think shallower, like more shot glass than bucket......just once I'd like to:

summer in the Hamptons*have a wild tantrum, like toddlers get to have all the time, in public*get in a police chase and drive real fast and furious*own those multi colored spikey Louboutins*drop on entire stack of dishes on a tile floor*attend the Kentucky derby wearing a fabulous hat*kiss a totally random hot stranger-without a wedding band-without hesitation in public*drop a water balloon of the Empire State Building*eat an entire package of oreos in a single sitting....wait, silly me, I've done that*look rocking hot and all ripped in a white bikini ....which will never happen (see previous statement for clarification)*have Kate Middleton ask me to come over just because she needs a friend*tase a rude teenager

There are those nights,
when the uneasy internal tremors are a bit more than usual.
When you feel the quakes,
and they quietly shake the very tears from your eyes.
In silent moment, helplessly frantic
to avoid full thought at any cost,
life unrelenting comes to a head
and everything combines in one glorious minor chord,
a twisted symphony that won't be silenced.
But dawn will come, and you will be more for
having let the melody play its course.

m.k

This photo has nothing to do with this post....I just adore this place....Henderson Waves, singapore.

Sparkletail: I love being wrong. LIES! that's a lie, and a truth at the same time. Let me explain.....I love thinking I know who I am and what I want, only to find that I was wrong! Only to realize that while yes, I am living and breathing, and aging, my character is as well, changing, living if you will.  Being out and away from everything familiar, everything comfortable, I am left most days with my own thoughts and very few distractions. Yes there is work, and meetings, and calls, and kitchens, and frosting, and and and, but it has been quite nice to have time with my thoughts. Time with just me. I should tune out more often. I digress....I always thought work would come first, I would be determined and focused and cut throat. I knew it....and I was wrong. As my professional life has matured, I realize work and opinions aren't the driving factors, people come first in my life. I am determined and focused and cutthroat at times, but I find that people matter to me more than most anything else. The products and the deadlines are crucial, but the person holds a greater weight. Sometimes you think you're a total badass....then you sit down and realize your really a pink unicorn with a sparkle tail on the inside. 

DBD....but not really, it was more of a dive bomb moment!:a few months back there was Ben, tall, handsome, hilarious! (he worked for Grand Theft Auto Asia, but was a comedian on the side). We had drinks (gingerale), then saw improv (it was awful! ...and he introduced me to his friends as, "Tinder" not Monica), then had dinner, then had tea @ Starbucks (he redeemed himself). It was a solid glorious 7 hrs. I was hooked. At the improv show, a friend of his asked if he would be doing stand-up that Tuesday @ a local bar...he was. Naturally, I mentally banked the bar name, went home after the date, googled it, bought "Stand-up @ Bar22" tickets for me and my wing man Michael (my bff here in Singapore), invited Michael, and went to bed. Next morning Ben texts and says, "Let's do brunch on Wednesday". This should be good, I can watch him, then bring up how funny his set was during brunch. Awesome :) I'd work out the stalker kinks. Comedy Tuesday came and I was really excited! When I say excited I mean a bit nervous, this isn't my style. I facebook stalk, google stalk, I never in person stalk! Michael and I found the bar, I took a deep breath, opened the door, walked in...... and there was no one in there!, except the bar tender and Ben! I died!  They sold tickets online, online ticket sales means a lot of people right? Like so many people Ben would never see me and my stalking could be done in secret! Back to the story, we walk into the bar, I look right @ Ben, Ben doesn't see me so i just turned right around and walked out. We are going home! Now the anxiety kicks in, and Michael is just eating this up! He's only ever seen me in work mode, so this, this is real funny for him. I'm hot, rambling, confused! Just a mess. After a walk around the block, a pep talk from Michael, and a coke, we went back in. Ben was in the back, there were now 5 guests, I figured with the stage lights in his eyes he would never know I was there. I was safe. Homeostasis was returning. We sat at a side table, the waiter comes over, takes our drink order, and just then,

Owner: "Hey is Monica here? ......MONICA? .......MONICA?"

....aaaah....

Me: "Yep, here" I sheepishly say waving my hand.

Out pops Ben, "Did you say Monica?"  in his charming British accent...he's British FYI

Owner: "Ya, she is the only one who bought tickets online"

Ben to me: "Hello there, isn't this odd"

and then followed my horror. Homeostasis shot to hell. My rambling explanation begins "I was just going to show up watch you and go....I googled you....um Michael isn't my date, he's gay not that that matters....I was going to tell you tomorrow.....I bought tickets before I knew about brunch.....oh gosh I am so sorry Ben this is really awful". And Ben and Michael are just watching as I combust. Lapping it up, cracking up! The shows happens, Ben cleverly reworks his set, and it starts like this:

"Hello everyone I am BJ Fox, have you all heard of Tinder? Well tinder is a shallow dating app, and you see that girl over there...Hi Monica....that's Monica and she and I both swiped right so we were a match and we had dinner the other night, and are having brunch tomorrow, and Monica decided to google me and show up here tonight......."

and on and on and on. Michael was in stitches, Ben knew he was hilarious, the 5 people who didn't buy their tickets online, loved it! And I, I was crimson, horrified, anxious, couldn't breath, almost fell off my stool, it was not my best hour of mortality. That's what I get for trying to be sneaky cute. I should just stick with in your face and slightly loud, that I can handle.

*we did have brunch the next day.we did have a few brunches after that. we did text lots....and then he fell for an actress :( but it makes for a good story.

• I ate chex mix and golden oreos for breakfast today
• I watch movies on 1.5 speed whenever possible
• I wear high heels whenever possible because they make my godzilla 41-42 (10-11US) feet look dainty
• I am terrible at flirting...epic fail....I get hot and flustered.
• I love long roadtrips
• I am not superstitious but I pick up every penny I see
• I make wishes in fountains
• I talk to myself.....only while grocery shopping.
• I eat while grocery shopping ----->
• Here in Singapore, I miss seeing the stars
• If my nails aren't painted, I will bite them when I'm nervous
• My New Year's resolution this year was to live life without being afraid....and it terrifies me
• One time I made a joke that I had an MBA from Harvard, and the guy didn't get the joke, and so I just let him continue thinking that. 
• I once was craving a burrito but didn't have time to eat it before the hockey game started, so I took my hair out, used the hair elastics to secure it to my calf, then pulled my pants over it and when security checked my bag, there was no food, and while everyone was sucking back bad dogs and beer, I was enjoying my carne asada

Hope 2.0:Toward the end of my marriage over 3 years ago, things were not amazing, for the first time in my life I legitimately considered the option that ending my life would be an easy solution to my problem.  I could choose to get off simply. No more tears, no more pain, just skip the queue of life and be done. It was a daily thought for quite some time, and in extremely rare low moments even still, it creeps into my thoughts.  I could skip the queue, but in turn I'd also skip the wonder life has in store for me and cause pain to others. I obviously didn't choose this road years ago, nor will I, but the memory is there. Now I don't share this intimate detail because I want help or sympathy, this post isn't about me exactly. It's about my brother who was in a roll over accident last week, too many stitches and staples to count, but he lived and he is fine. It's about Sylvia. An island beauty who married my amazing cousin Shawn a few years ago. She is the mother of a darling baby boy who started walking a few months ago, and she has a heart that I could only dream of. Soft, kind, angelic, she is a woman unparalleled in her abundant goodness. I wish we lived closer because she is a friend and an example. She is a 20-something woman, vibrant and lovely, that was just diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer. In a matter days, being tired and not feeling like herself, has turned into an expiration date. The doctors have really know way of knowing how many years, they can just accurately diagnose, and manage the situation as best they can. News of Nick's accident, news of Sylvia's diagnoses, is devastating. News like this stops your flippant careless thoughts, and grounds you. News like this makes you value everything, and all the nothings that don't really matter, stop mattering.  You want to hold people close, love a little more, but mostly, just breath in and live in today. Skipping the queue and choosing to end life early, is such a supremely real, yet selfishly stupid thought. Life comes with abundant joy and wonder, it also comes with so many challenges, some seemingly insurmountable.  I try my best to remain grounded by the hope that: life is catered to each individual, there is a greater plan, a greater good, most things happen for a reason, and love and family (whether by blood or association) will be what get you through.

To avoid confrontation I pretend I am on the phone.
The most I've ever said to my roommates is, "hey".
I swallow my gum after about 49 seconds.
The guy with the calf tattoos left the pool at the same time as me, and I wanted to stop the elevator and ravish him....I didn't. Next time.
A professor from England texted me something quite nice today, caught me off guard because I dropped all my bowls. I really need to get my act together.

DBD #13 Testosterone Feast: I drive to his house, I usually do on first dates when I don't know the guy, that way I always have a getaway. {You know, if they are cannibals or something.} I knock, he answers, cargo shorts, bare feet, messy t-shirt, toweling off his wet hair. I suddenly realize my pea coat, skinny jeans, wedges, and coiffed hair is a bit much.  He invites me in, makes small talk in the entry, I of course am waiting for the, "let me grab my keys, what type of food sounds good to you?" but instead, "do you understand basketball?" Is this a trick question? There isn't all that much to understand. "I like to think so"..."Good the game is on" and then he is off to the living room. Still standing in the entry, feeling so very awkward because I thought he was joking, I take of my jacket throw it on the end table, and dazed and confused I follow. I plop down about half a body away from him and he scoots right up in my business. Just then, his brother walks in from the hallway {I thought he lived alone}. "Hey guys, mind if I work out during the game?" Is this a trick question? Yes, yes we do. Read between the lines. "Oh and I am better looking than my brother, and older. " hmmm better looking and older are not in your favor. If you are older and better looking and still single, you just revealed that you must not have a personality at all, or you would be married. Man I wish I were mean, if I said 17% of what I think...wow. Anyway, he proceeds to pull out a weight bench and a set of dumbbells  inches from where we are sitting. Huffing and puffing he does his reps. Meanwhile, my "date" {Mark} is rewinding every good move in the game, while working his arm around me, while also giving form advice to his brother's workout. {quite the multi-tasker} The advice isn't well received so up he pops and over to the bench he goes. For the next 10+ min I feel like I am watching youtube fitness with tweedle dee and tweedle dum. Pullups from the rope in the ceiling, lunges, dips, curls, they really went all out. Next thing I know I am handed a stack of blue prints, the tweedles are building houses right next to each other. And for the next 20+ min I am sandwiched between these two, listening to how one is going with the upgraded ceiling, while the other is going with upgraded fixtures, how one lawn is 12cm larger, but one has better curb appeal. And just when I think I can't handle it, off the brother goes, he just shoots up and is gone to his room I assume. We are alone again, and Mark goes in for a move -not sure what sign he read, I didn't give him any- not sure if he is going to try for a kiss, or a gropey hug, or a whisper in my ear, but he is so close and the anticipation of his next move is palpably awkward for me, just then he........saved! In comes his idiot brother, with a walker! Turns out all the cross fitters use it, it's an "awesome core work out", and the path for the walker routine is in front of the TV.  So here I am on the couch, with Mark still all over me, and his brother waddling along with a walker in front of the TV. I think my mouth must have been open the whole time because I really thought at some point one of them would bust up and laugh and tell me they had been joking, but neither did.  I was the only one who seemed to mind dating 2 brothers on the same night, during their "sick" workout. I told Mark I was jetlagged and that I had to get home, his response, "Well how about tomorrow you come over and cook us dinner? You're a chef right? You know, I'd like to see you every night you're here in Utah. Or we could go running, or do a crossfit workout together" All I could say was, "Wow I am really tired. Have a good night you two." The door closed, I contained my horror and laughter, and I never saw Mark or his crossfit brother again. Is it possible to sue the universe for doing this to me?

It was mother's day, and I happened to be at the same place at the same time as my mother on that day....so I messed up her kitchen.

and these are my thoughts on my mother:

She never bought me a water bra, but she introduced me to the wonders of the sea

She never bought me Seventeen Magazine, but she made sure I had a library of classics at my disposal.

She never put me in a pageant so I could say I wanted world peace, but she did take me to get my first passport so I could see the world.

She never suggested I hang posters of the latest boy band in my room, but she did listen to Led Zeppelin and Jimi Hendrix on vinyl so it's okay. They are better then New Kids on the Block.

She never taught me how to use an eyelash curler, but she did teach me about the birds and the bees, (kind of, she skipped the boy and girl parts and jumped right to teaching me about an ectopic pregnancy) while driving on the freeway, because she knew I didn't want to hear about it, and she knew @ 65mph I couldn't escape.

She never taught me how to flirt, but she did teach me how to make homemade pasta, and that's gets farther than batting your eyelashes----or so I hope :)

She never ignored a dream, or a phone call. She never told me I couldn't reach an aspiration. She never lied to me, or told me I was better than I really was. She never discounted my feelings, or fell asleep before I got home after a date. She never once stopped believing in me, and that poor dear, I don't think I will ever let her. She is my mother, my friend, my cheer section, and my confidant. I am a strong successful woman, only because she showed me how me live, and how to love, and that there is no limit to the wonder and joy that this life contains.

Work: is such a nasty four letter word. Sadly it is the small classification, small box, we often stuff our passions into. I have allowed recent events to rob me of my passion, my love for cooking. I haven't been doing much of it actually, I have avoided it, and I have been met with an odd crossroads. I will spare the hundreds of details.It is nothing more than mundane work and I am left wondering if I chose the wrong the path, left wondering if I should have become a Victoria Secret underwear model, or a flight attendant, or a surgeon {yes I have wanted to be all those things} My brain is just a jumble of self condemning thoughts. ...until my Mr. Dean needed a wedding cake......and I stepped out of work in Singapore and into no deadlines, no expectations, no inquisitive judgements, and was left alone to create.  It's a funny thing that happens, when you quiet all the noise.....

Single: I am the 3rd of 5 children, and the only one not married. {Let's just be clear, I am happy and thriving single I write about it, because it's what I know} When I am home, my marital status is quite often the subject of conversation. This past trip to Utah was particularly great. I will share some of the highlights with you....I do this not out of spite or want for change, I do this because my family is hilarious.

Mom: "Do you realize you can quantify the men in you life who have recently shown interest as,  in their 40's or gay? "

Jen{oldest sister, while shopping}: "You are single because you aren't sexy! No guy wants cute. You just need to dress more sexy......ahhhh put that shirt down! See that is what I am saying, you think that looks cute, but it's just not sexy. You are single because of the way you dress, you should let me help you."

Beth {older sister, while talking to her about the guy from church who is darling but dating a girl in the Philippines}: " If you like him, you should just propose! I mean just do it, you shouldn't have to wait around, so what if he has a girlfriend, he isn't proposing. you should. I always thought you would."

Mom {after I literally hid behind her when a very drunk Serbian guy started talking to me}: "Oh I had no idea, you are still shy? What was that? You really are terrible at flirting."

So I suppose in my free time I need to work on attracting heterosexual men by: a. dressing sexier, b.proposing to them, and/or c.learning to flirt. If sexily clad giggling doesn't work, I have compiled a list, mostly for myself, of useful things I can do. I can:

change the oil in my car*drive a 21' uhaul sans fear*back up a trailer*make a pie*shine shoes*recite the preamble*touch my toes*plant a successful garden*swim a mile*assemble Ikea furniture right the first time*change a diaper*tie a tie*parallel park a motor home*eat spicy thai food*lay a level brick patio*decorate a room*house train a dog*make jam*ski*sew*download software updates*drive a standard or automatic, while knowing the difference*properly capture, kill, pin, and scientifically identify most insects*waltz/salsa/rhumba*kill a starling with a gun*sleep on a plane*read a physical map*set up a tent*speak french*make chicken wings*moonwalk*set a proper table*play the piano*tape and paint a room*ride a horse*drive a boat*walk in high heels

DBD #12 Valentine Feast: here is yet another Dive Bomb Date Singapore edition...one a few months old, but I think one that shouldn't be left out because it is the worst, and due to this date, I didn't go on a date with another man for almost 2 months! We'd texted for a few weeks, he was smart, funny, attractive, and from what I could tell, I was quite excited to meet this guy....let's just call him Paul {because that is his real name}. He was in Utah and we had tried to get together while I was there in January, but no luck. Out of the blue, he had business trip in Singapore, and as luck would have it, I had bought new glasses while in Utah, and the lenses weren't finished before I had to go back to Singapore, so I texted Paul and he said he would love to bring them to me. My parents met him at a park and ride and dropped off the specs. Yes, that is right, my parents met this guy before I did....and they approved at first glance. Back to the story....he flew in around 8p, took a taxi straight to me. It was the stuff movies are made of. He got out of the cab, said,"you are stunning", then went right for a kiss! No, "hi, how are you" just right for the money. Swoon. We had a lovely dinner and then he said, "I hope this isn't assuming too much, but my company puts me up in really nice properties and I was wondering if you would like to come spend the night, don't worry you'd have your own room in the suite, I'm staying at the Four Seasons. I just want to spend as much time with you as I can." and at that moment, fickle me screamed inside! He wanted to spend as much time with me as possible! He was staying in a suite at the Four Seasons! Yes please. Dinner was lovely, Singapore that night was lovely, he was lovely, funny, charming, we had a perfect evening, then retired to his and her areas of the Four Seasons. Now what makes this even better/worse is that he flew in Feb 13th, and Feb 14th is my favorite holiday! The planets were aligning because my valentine's day was set to be perfect. He made a late reservation at a fancy place, I would get off work a bit early, put on my eyeliner in the cab, and be wooed during a romantic dinner. I digress, back to the morning of the 14th...I was doing my hair for work, and a knock came at the door. In my fluffy robe, I let Paul in and walked back to finish my do. "Gosh you're gorgeous, good morning" was all he said before he wrapped his arms around me from behind, and he just stayed there while I smiled, tried to contain my joy, and finished primping. Paul was 42 with a few kids, so what came out of my mouth that morning was, "So how long were you married for?" and to that, he kissed the back of my neck then said, "Oh silly, I am still married, we just have an open relationship". And with a single sentence, he went from PC {prince charming} to DBD. . And that concludes the worst DBD ever.

31:As the clock turned from 23:59 to 0:00, and the date changed from April 16th to April 17th,  I was officially 31. I quietly peeked in on my darling children fast asleep, their curly hair still wet from the late night bath. I walked out on the deck to breath in the crisp mountain air, the reflection of the moon on the lake was like a gift.  When I was sufficiently chilled, Kenza, who had followed me out, and I headed up stairs to bed...but not before a quick midnight snack, chia seed pudding with plums, yum. I crawled in next to my amazing husband and found that indescribable comfort as he, in sleep, rolled over, kissed me, whispered, "Happy Birthday" and then drifted back to the dream I had pulled him from. As I laid there, knowing full well rounds at the hospital started in 4 hours! 4th year is brutal, I couldn't help but think this year was to be the best yet.

Funny right? the differences between where you thought you'd be and where you are? That is where I thought I'd be.....here is where I was:

As the clock turned from 23:59 to 0:00 I laid motionless floating in the condo pool {it closes at 22:00 and I didn't want the security guard to kick me out. This was tradition!}. I swam a few quiet laps, mistook a bunch of clouds for the milky way, realized I was sufficiently pruney  and I got out, went back up to the apartment, and quietly went back to my room hoping to not run into one of my roommates' many "girlfriends" on their way out. I hopped in the shower, which is currently the storage area for my beach glass and shell collection, rinsed but no repeat, got out and pushed the stack of cookbooks off to one side to make room for myself in bed. Once in, I realized I was starving, and not wanting to go to the kitchen, and not having any food in the kitchen, I remembered there was still some sausage in my closet! Awesome German dry sausage I had bought a few weeks back while I was in Germany. I was saving it for some charming dinner I was going to have with Mr. Right, should I eat it now? Who am I kidding, I am 31, my ex just got married again, my back up plan just got engaged, my phone is soiled with evidence from one bad Tinder date after another, of course I am going to eat it! No knife required, I just gnawed on it in bed. And all I could do is laugh. If you asked me 10 years ago if I thought I would be a single, pastry chef, living in Singapore, celebrating 31 alone with processed meat, freshly painted red nails, and a funny smell from the shells in the shower wafting under the door...I would have told you that sounds pathetic. But here I am, and it is bliss. And I don't look back and wish things had gone differently. Life has been kind, God has been good, my picture is not what I had planned, what I had foreseen, and maybe that was the problem, maybe this year I will just live in the now and not wonder so much about the tomorrows. One thing I do know, one thing that will never change, is the love and gratitude I hold for the people, family and friends, that have been a part of this chaotic kaleidoscope I know as my life. Thank you for 31.

PHOTOVERLOAD EUROPE STUFF: The few pictures taken without us in them

 

 

 

one of my favorite moments....the skateboarding, riding along the river, with bubbles trailing behind

Lady Godzilla Feeds: Being sick is the pits! I found myself ridiculously sick a few days ago, and being far away from home doesn't make it any better. Being in my room made things worse, so I drugged up {ibuprofen} and went to the one place that made me feel like home {don't judge}, I went to Ikea. Upon entering I realized I was famished, so up to the cafe I went. I stood inline with my trolley, got my food, found a seat. A cute little family sat next to me and I quickly became the subject of their gaze. Is it because I was white? Is it because I was alone? or was it because in a matter of 15 minutes I managed to inhale: pork ribs and fries, a side of broccoli, cream of mushroom soup with half a baguette, 10 chicken wings, and a coke. I will let you decide, but I am pretty sure they were thinking, "Lady Godzilla Feeds!"