DBD #13 Testosterone Feast: I drive to his house, I usually do on first dates when I don't know the guy, that way I always have a getaway. {You know, if they are cannibals or something.} I knock, he answers, cargo shorts, bare feet, messy t-shirt, toweling off his wet hair. I suddenly realize my pea coat, skinny jeans, wedges, and coiffed hair is a bit much.  He invites me in, makes small talk in the entry, I of course am waiting for the, "let me grab my keys, what type of food sounds good to you?" but instead, "do you understand basketball?" Is this a trick question? There isn't all that much to understand. "I like to think so"..."Good the game is on" and then he is off to the living room. Still standing in the entry, feeling so very awkward because I thought he was joking, I take of my jacket throw it on the end table, and dazed and confused I follow. I plop down about half a body away from him and he scoots right up in my business. Just then, his brother walks in from the hallway {I thought he lived alone}. "Hey guys, mind if I work out during the game?" Is this a trick question? Yes, yes we do. Read between the lines. "Oh and I am better looking than my brother, and older. " hmmm better looking and older are not in your favor. If you are older and better looking and still single, you just revealed that you must not have a personality at all, or you would be married. Man I wish I were mean, if I said 17% of what I think...wow. Anyway, he proceeds to pull out a weight bench and a set of dumbbells  inches from where we are sitting. Huffing and puffing he does his reps. Meanwhile, my "date" {Mark} is rewinding every good move in the game, while working his arm around me, while also giving form advice to his brother's workout. {quite the multi-tasker} The advice isn't well received so up he pops and over to the bench he goes. For the next 10+ min I feel like I am watching youtube fitness with tweedle dee and tweedle dum. Pullups from the rope in the ceiling, lunges, dips, curls, they really went all out. Next thing I know I am handed a stack of blue prints, the tweedles are building houses right next to each other. And for the next 20+ min I am sandwiched between these two, listening to how one is going with the upgraded ceiling, while the other is going with upgraded fixtures, how one lawn is 12cm larger, but one has better curb appeal. And just when I think I can't handle it, off the brother goes, he just shoots up and is gone to his room I assume. We are alone again, and Mark goes in for a move -not sure what sign he read, I didn't give him any- not sure if he is going to try for a kiss, or a gropey hug, or a whisper in my ear, but he is so close and the anticipation of his next move is palpably awkward for me, just then he........saved! In comes his idiot brother, with a walker! Turns out all the cross fitters use it, it's an "awesome core work out", and the path for the walker routine is in front of the TV.  So here I am on the couch, with Mark still all over me, and his brother waddling along with a walker in front of the TV. I think my mouth must have been open the whole time because I really thought at some point one of them would bust up and laugh and tell me they had been joking, but neither did.  I was the only one who seemed to mind dating 2 brothers on the same night, during their "sick" workout. I told Mark I was jetlagged and that I had to get home, his response, "Well how about tomorrow you come over and cook us dinner? You're a chef right? You know, I'd like to see you every night you're here in Utah. Or we could go running, or do a crossfit workout together" All I could say was, "Wow I am really tired. Have a good night you two." The door closed, I contained my horror and laughter, and I never saw Mark or his crossfit brother again. Is it possible to sue the universe for doing this to me?

It was mother's day, and I happened to be at the same place at the same time as my mother on that day....so I messed up her kitchen.

and these are my thoughts on my mother:

She never bought me a water bra, but she introduced me to the wonders of the sea

She never bought me Seventeen Magazine, but she made sure I had a library of classics at my disposal.

She never put me in a pageant so I could say I wanted world peace, but she did take me to get my first passport so I could see the world.

She never suggested I hang posters of the latest boy band in my room, but she did listen to Led Zeppelin and Jimi Hendrix on vinyl so it's okay. They are better then New Kids on the Block.

She never taught me how to use an eyelash curler, but she did teach me about the birds and the bees, (kind of, she skipped the boy and girl parts and jumped right to teaching me about an ectopic pregnancy) while driving on the freeway, because she knew I didn't want to hear about it, and she knew @ 65mph I couldn't escape.

She never taught me how to flirt, but she did teach me how to make homemade pasta, and that's gets farther than batting your eyelashes----or so I hope :)

She never ignored a dream, or a phone call. She never told me I couldn't reach an aspiration. She never lied to me, or told me I was better than I really was. She never discounted my feelings, or fell asleep before I got home after a date. She never once stopped believing in me, and that poor dear, I don't think I will ever let her. She is my mother, my friend, my cheer section, and my confidant. I am a strong successful woman, only because she showed me how me live, and how to love, and that there is no limit to the wonder and joy that this life contains.

Work: is such a nasty four letter word. Sadly it is the small classification, small box, we often stuff our passions into. I have allowed recent events to rob me of my passion, my love for cooking. I haven't been doing much of it actually, I have avoided it, and I have been met with an odd crossroads. I will spare the hundreds of details.It is nothing more than mundane work and I am left wondering if I chose the wrong the path, left wondering if I should have become a Victoria Secret underwear model, or a flight attendant, or a surgeon {yes I have wanted to be all those things} My brain is just a jumble of self condemning thoughts. ...until my Mr. Dean needed a wedding cake......and I stepped out of work in Singapore and into no deadlines, no expectations, no inquisitive judgements, and was left alone to create.  It's a funny thing that happens, when you quiet all the noise.....

Single: I am the 3rd of 5 children, and the only one not married. {Let's just be clear, I am happy and thriving single I write about it, because it's what I know} When I am home, my marital status is quite often the subject of conversation. This past trip to Utah was particularly great. I will share some of the highlights with you....I do this not out of spite or want for change, I do this because my family is hilarious.

Mom: "Do you realize you can quantify the men in you life who have recently shown interest as,  in their 40's or gay? "

Jen{oldest sister, while shopping}: "You are single because you aren't sexy! No guy wants cute. You just need to dress more sexy......ahhhh put that shirt down! See that is what I am saying, you think that looks cute, but it's just not sexy. You are single because of the way you dress, you should let me help you."

Beth {older sister, while talking to her about the guy from church who is darling but dating a girl in the Philippines}: " If you like him, you should just propose! I mean just do it, you shouldn't have to wait around, so what if he has a girlfriend, he isn't proposing. you should. I always thought you would."

Mom {after I literally hid behind her when a very drunk Serbian guy started talking to me}: "Oh I had no idea, you are still shy? What was that? You really are terrible at flirting."

So I suppose in my free time I need to work on attracting heterosexual men by: a. dressing sexier, b.proposing to them, and/or c.learning to flirt. If sexily clad giggling doesn't work, I have compiled a list, mostly for myself, of useful things I can do. I can:

change the oil in my car*drive a 21' uhaul sans fear*back up a trailer*make a pie*shine shoes*recite the preamble*touch my toes*plant a successful garden*swim a mile*assemble Ikea furniture right the first time*change a diaper*tie a tie*parallel park a motor home*eat spicy thai food*lay a level brick patio*decorate a room*house train a dog*make jam*ski*sew*download software updates*drive a standard or automatic, while knowing the difference*properly capture, kill, pin, and scientifically identify most insects*waltz/salsa/rhumba*kill a starling with a gun*sleep on a plane*read a physical map*set up a tent*speak french*make chicken wings*moonwalk*set a proper table*play the piano*tape and paint a room*ride a horse*drive a boat*walk in high heels

DBD #12 Valentine Feast: here is yet another Dive Bomb Date Singapore edition...one a few months old, but I think one that shouldn't be left out because it is the worst, and due to this date, I didn't go on a date with another man for almost 2 months! We'd texted for a few weeks, he was smart, funny, attractive, and from what I could tell, I was quite excited to meet this guy....let's just call him Paul {because that is his real name}. He was in Utah and we had tried to get together while I was there in January, but no luck. Out of the blue, he had business trip in Singapore, and as luck would have it, I had bought new glasses while in Utah, and the lenses weren't finished before I had to go back to Singapore, so I texted Paul and he said he would love to bring them to me. My parents met him at a park and ride and dropped off the specs. Yes, that is right, my parents met this guy before I did....and they approved at first glance. Back to the story....he flew in around 8p, took a taxi straight to me. It was the stuff movies are made of. He got out of the cab, said,"you are stunning", then went right for a kiss! No, "hi, how are you" just right for the money. Swoon. We had a lovely dinner and then he said, "I hope this isn't assuming too much, but my company puts me up in really nice properties and I was wondering if you would like to come spend the night, don't worry you'd have your own room in the suite, I'm staying at the Four Seasons. I just want to spend as much time with you as I can." and at that moment, fickle me screamed inside! He wanted to spend as much time with me as possible! He was staying in a suite at the Four Seasons! Yes please. Dinner was lovely, Singapore that night was lovely, he was lovely, funny, charming, we had a perfect evening, then retired to his and her areas of the Four Seasons. Now what makes this even better/worse is that he flew in Feb 13th, and Feb 14th is my favorite holiday! The planets were aligning because my valentine's day was set to be perfect. He made a late reservation at a fancy place, I would get off work a bit early, put on my eyeliner in the cab, and be wooed during a romantic dinner. I digress, back to the morning of the 14th...I was doing my hair for work, and a knock came at the door. In my fluffy robe, I let Paul in and walked back to finish my do. "Gosh you're gorgeous, good morning" was all he said before he wrapped his arms around me from behind, and he just stayed there while I smiled, tried to contain my joy, and finished primping. Paul was 42 with a few kids, so what came out of my mouth that morning was, "So how long were you married for?" and to that, he kissed the back of my neck then said, "Oh silly, I am still married, we just have an open relationship". And with a single sentence, he went from PC {prince charming} to DBD. . And that concludes the worst DBD ever.

31:As the clock turned from 23:59 to 0:00, and the date changed from April 16th to April 17th,  I was officially 31. I quietly peeked in on my darling children fast asleep, their curly hair still wet from the late night bath. I walked out on the deck to breath in the crisp mountain air, the reflection of the moon on the lake was like a gift.  When I was sufficiently chilled, Kenza, who had followed me out, and I headed up stairs to bed...but not before a quick midnight snack, chia seed pudding with plums, yum. I crawled in next to my amazing husband and found that indescribable comfort as he, in sleep, rolled over, kissed me, whispered, "Happy Birthday" and then drifted back to the dream I had pulled him from. As I laid there, knowing full well rounds at the hospital started in 4 hours! 4th year is brutal, I couldn't help but think this year was to be the best yet.

Funny right? the differences between where you thought you'd be and where you are? That is where I thought I'd be.....here is where I was:

As the clock turned from 23:59 to 0:00 I laid motionless floating in the condo pool {it closes at 22:00 and I didn't want the security guard to kick me out. This was tradition!}. I swam a few quiet laps, mistook a bunch of clouds for the milky way, realized I was sufficiently pruney  and I got out, went back up to the apartment, and quietly went back to my room hoping to not run into one of my roommates' many "girlfriends" on their way out. I hopped in the shower, which is currently the storage area for my beach glass and shell collection, rinsed but no repeat, got out and pushed the stack of cookbooks off to one side to make room for myself in bed. Once in, I realized I was starving, and not wanting to go to the kitchen, and not having any food in the kitchen, I remembered there was still some sausage in my closet! Awesome German dry sausage I had bought a few weeks back while I was in Germany. I was saving it for some charming dinner I was going to have with Mr. Right, should I eat it now? Who am I kidding, I am 31, my ex just got married again, my back up plan just got engaged, my phone is soiled with evidence from one bad Tinder date after another, of course I am going to eat it! No knife required, I just gnawed on it in bed. And all I could do is laugh. If you asked me 10 years ago if I thought I would be a single, pastry chef, living in Singapore, celebrating 31 alone with processed meat, freshly painted red nails, and a funny smell from the shells in the shower wafting under the door...I would have told you that sounds pathetic. But here I am, and it is bliss. And I don't look back and wish things had gone differently. Life has been kind, God has been good, my picture is not what I had planned, what I had foreseen, and maybe that was the problem, maybe this year I will just live in the now and not wonder so much about the tomorrows. One thing I do know, one thing that will never change, is the love and gratitude I hold for the people, family and friends, that have been a part of this chaotic kaleidoscope I know as my life. Thank you for 31.

PHOTOVERLOAD EUROPE STUFF: The few pictures taken without us in them

 

 

 

one of my favorite moments....the skateboarding, riding along the river, with bubbles trailing behind

Lady Godzilla Feeds: Being sick is the pits! I found myself ridiculously sick a few days ago, and being far away from home doesn't make it any better. Being in my room made things worse, so I drugged up {ibuprofen} and went to the one place that made me feel like home {don't judge}, I went to Ikea. Upon entering I realized I was famished, so up to the cafe I went. I stood inline with my trolley, got my food, found a seat. A cute little family sat next to me and I quickly became the subject of their gaze. Is it because I was white? Is it because I was alone? or was it because in a matter of 15 minutes I managed to inhale: pork ribs and fries, a side of broccoli, cream of mushroom soup with half a baguette, 10 chicken wings, and a coke. I will let you decide, but I am pretty sure they were thinking, "Lady Godzilla Feeds!"

PHOTOVERLOAD EUROPE US: I will keep it brief, I realize if you are like me, most days you don't want to read, you just want to look at pictures. And I could give you all the details of what we did, where we went, what we saw....but suffice it to say, the past 2 weeks in Europe were surreal. Our breath was taken by art, our stomachs ached from laughter, our feet hated us for walking so much, our taste buds will never be the same, and suffice it to say, sisters make the best travel companions Voila....a few of the pictures of...us. And me because for the first time in a long time I had someone to boss around and take my pictures :)

there is a giant chalk board in the middle of the city, by the river....we left our mark

 

 

 

  

  

 

  

Hannah lives in Bremen, these are the Bremen Musicians ...holding the legs is lucky i think?

 

Hannah took me to her lab where she is finishing her Masters! I like to think I got the brains...I wonder