So I am getting on a plane soon.....I would really like this to happen during my flight: 


yep isn't it cool that on my blog I can do what I want? so yes, I am taking both our valuable time and posting this kissing clip....because it would be real nice. 

Prada vs. Prata

One is $3, the other $3k. One will make you love your taste buds, one will ensure you count every calorie you ever intake. One is made in Asia...wait they both are. One you will show off to your friends, one you will hide the frequency you buy it from everyone! One will make you feel like a million bucks, one will give your GI track a workout. One will go out of style by next season, one will forever be perfection. I will let you choose which I indulge in more....

Dear Ikea,

thanks so much for having cheap furniture so when I moved to SG I found a nightstand on sale for $34. Thanks so much for also including an allen wrench and decent instructions....but really? How hard is it to make every bolt a hex bolt? Because, when you put in phillips screws, that I hadn't planned for, I have to use scissors to finish my project, and I almost stabbed myself twice. Had I really stabbed myself I would be billing you for pain and suffering, but I didn't so instead you are just getting asked, by me, to either include a phillips head on the other end of the allen wrench, or make all the dang bolts hex bolts!

Sincerely,

Monica Kate

DBD#10 Snore Feast:he was tall, light, and handsome. Blue eyes that swallowed me. He had asked me to dinner at his place, and seeing he was tall but french...therefore I could take him....I agreed. I showed up all primped and ready, he had made a lovely spread. The conversation was a charming mix of english and french. We ate, then sat down for a movie. He hits play, I'm thinking I might get held if things go well, the trailers at the beginning start, and then I wake up to a blank TV. Yep. You read it right. I wake up, I have a blanket on, the hall light is on, and a note is taped to the TV:

"Monica, 
you looked so tired and are snoring so loud, I went to my friend's flat across the hall. Feel free to spend the night, text me when you wake up."

I wiped the drool of my face, found my shoes, then took a very awkward short walk home. Note to self, when meeting a stranger for the first time, nap first because falling asleep with a stranger isn't safe. Note #2 to self, when meeting a stranger for the first time, nap first because, "snoring so loud" will ensure you never get a 2nd date.

Sometimes I fall asleep by the pool and wake up 4 hours later....{I woke up only because it was raining}. And when I wake up, I know I didn't budge once, because I have a headphone cord tanned into my skin.

The things that make me, me:

Every morning I put on some of this...because it makes me feel fancy

I wear a different sock on each foot to not forget life is full of playful wonder

I paint my nails black on days off because it makes me feel edgy

before service I always ring this cats bell because I know it will bring me luck

Cheetos: He was a PhD, in from London doing research on chefs, he asked if he could interview me for a piece he was doing. I was flattered. He was coming into Pollen to interview a few of the other chefs as well. When my turn came I went out, lipgloss on, hair tidy. Hope he is ready for eloquent perfection. I removed my apron and to my horror!!!!!!! one of the 87 Cheetos I had stuffed into my mouth seconds earlier, hadn't made the destination. It had fallen in my apron and was hiding and as I untied the strings, it fell on the floor, the doctor picked it up and put it on the table.

"Is that a Cheeto?"
"I guess so, no clue where that came from" (LIE)

then I look down at my shirt, and I had a cheesy belt imprint. That lone Cheeto, in a matter of minutes, had cheesed my shirt to an extent that a quick brush wasn't going to fix. I died. We started the interview. Things went fine, not sure I was the "eloquent perfection"I had hoped I would be, but I was me. He stood up to go, so did I, he thanked me for my time, I picked up the Cheeto off the table....the Cheeto that had been on the floor....and popped it in my mouth!

"Did you just eat the Cheeto?"
"Don't worry about it"

and then I walked quickly into the kitchen. So if you ever read an article about a chef who ate a Cheeto off the floor, that was me.

Lucky Charm:on rough days I wear this dark bracelet, it was given to me by another chef. I like to think when I wear it I have superchef powers, I can take on the world. Being solo is not as easy as I had anticipated, doubt creeps in with the smallest allowance. I feel so completely alone and so very very different from everything around me. I wouldn't change this for anything, and I realize Singapore is the unexpected wonder I have looked for. It is simply that on some days, I have no one to lean on here, no one to hug me and tell me I am amazing. I have no one to show my successes to, no one to tell me it's just not a big deal. I have all of this....it's just 8,770 miles away.  So this, this little nothing to many, is my secret weapon. It's my lucky jersey, my rabbits foot, my fortune cookie.  I have all the tools I need within myself, but sometime it's easier to think that the power is coming from a few beads on a string. Sometimes relying on others belief in us, is enough until we believe in ourselves.      

 Merci a jamais AFL.  

Do you see anything wrong with this picture?:

Look close....

ding ding ding, that's right, no toilet paper holder. WHY!? This is ridiculous! The toilet paper is outside the stall by the hand dryer, you get it before you go on. Only no one tells you until it is too late!

Now take a look at exhibit B:

This is probably the only thing I have found that I completely hate about Asia, the toilet paper situation. I am sorry to be so graphic, but really what do people do without it? The first time it caught me off guard I was in China in the Forbidden City. Busy place, right? Lots of tourists, right? Normal toilets, right? WRONG! They had squatters with no toilet paper! The one day in my month in China my body starts to malfunction....and there is a squatter with no toilet paper. Enter saver of the day, the tourist map. I have had this same no TP issues 2 other times, so, I now travel with toilet paper all the time. 

Nice day, surfing the web on the deck, oh that's a cute little rain cloud:

 Wait, what's going on, it's dark

 and 2 minutes later the rain was so bad I couldn't even see across the street. Singapore, I adore your little weather tantrums. 

Chef Flourist: a large bank here in Singapore was having a holiday dinner here, during a meeting among the chefs and managers the question came up if anyone knew a florist who could do their arrangement. No one did, but I suggested I could do an arrangement or two. And 2 turned into 22 small, 2 medium, and 1 really really large one. Moral of the story, what should be the motto for my life, keep your mouth shut :) But the flowers turned out quite nice:

 No space to prep so I took over the HR conference room

almost there....

 the small....

the medium....

 the large....

fruit, veg, and florals. Enough to make me realize I never want to be a florist.

The Gory Story: You connect the dots

New Years Eve:I am quite juvenile in my day dreams. I dream of the perfect Christmas in a cabin, a New Year's Eve party where I have the quintessential party dress and perfect hair, and get a really really great kiss just as the clock turns 12:00 and fireworks start. Maybe someday. But for right now....I am completely in love with this. I worked New Year's Eve with Adam and Wei Chan. They are better than a dress and a kiss. We found little ways to enjoy the day: putting stuff into liquid nitrogen, having a contest to see who could unwrap the hi-chew in their mouth the fastest (I won, but only because neither had ever heard of such a thing)

as the tickets came through one after another, after another, I couldn't snap out of it, the nostalgic coma I had created. Thinking back to all that had happened in the past 12 months. The people, the places, the love, the joy, the laughter, the learning, the giant flops, the adventures, the blessings. I don't think I stopped smiling all day.

I could go on and bore you with more of my deep thoughts that I think are real good, but I will spare you.....and give you photos instead :) Happy New Year

the last selfies of the year....taken at 11:59p

 

 
I did get my fireworks

what the restaurant looks like after a giant party

and lastly my giant face....first selfie of 2014....as I looked over all the chaos of a whole bunch of people trying to get to the metro, and realized I wasn't getting home anytime soon! 

DBD #10 Snuggle Feast: how is it possible that I went on 2 dates in 1 week and both were awful DBD's? Oh well. We had dinner a few nights back. Work had just ended, 11:30p, we ate, hardly talked, I went home and went to bed. Easy. This is not the DBD.....the next outing was. We went to see The Hobbit. He showed up late so I missed the previews, I said I crave movie popcorn, he ordered 2 smalls (don't worry somehow I ended up paying). It was after work, I was tired so I was leaning away from him, propping up my head with my arm on the arm rest. Half way into the movie he pulls me towards him, pushes my head on his shoulder, and pats my head. I clearly didn't stay like this. I laughed it off and returned to my side. Crossed my legs, his hand was there.  Yawned, his hand covered my mouth before mine could. Got out my wrap because I was cold, oh don't worry he arranged it for me. I laughed during the movie and he shushed me, I jumped in a scary part, and he rubbed my shoulder saying, "it's just pretend". I about died! Then the piece de resistance, with 20 min left to the movie, and him leaning so far into my bubble he is taking up half my seat, he gets his mouth right next to my ear and says, "hon, you wanna snuggle" HELL NO! You are a 35+ year old man, first, I am not your hon, and B. if I wanted to snuggle you would know, you wouldn't have to ask. Read between the lines man, read between the lines. The cab ride home involved him scooting over to the middle seat, all I could do was think, just a few more minutes and I never have to see you again. Thankfully we were in a cab so the doorstep scene was completely avoided, we reached my building and I bolted out, he went in for a kiss, he got the cab door closed quickly and a wave. Really? who asks if you want to snuggle? you just do it! It's organic, natural, but you gotta read the signs....and the one I was holding looked a bit like these:

All I want for Christmas is ......My mother Teresa and I had a good laugh last night as she read me this over this phone:

Santa :"What do you want for Christmas this year?"

Girl: "A unicorn!"

Santa: "Oh dear, be a little more realistic."

Girl:"Alright....I would like a boyfriend."

Santa: "What color would you like you your unicorn?"

I clearly want this one:

There is an organic feeling, when the day is done, and surreal washes over you as you realize every moment was an involuntary emission of pure joy and passion. When you quietly tell yourself, "this is my wonderland...this is my soul"

Roommate Survival 101 according to me:

here is some key advice if you have to live with roommates because housing in Singapore is more expensive than a G6 or adopting a baby {okay it's not, but it is pricey}:

• pretend you don't speak English. If they find out you do, always walk in the door with your cell phone to your ear regardless if there is a call. This will ensure minimal communication allowing you to conserve the energy you would have wasted on making friends for better things.
• make sure they see you drink straight from the carton of milk/juice at least once. You don't have to continue it, but if you do it just once, it's guaranteed they will never drink you stuff. 
• make sure they see you pick your nose just once right before sticking your hand into a bag of chips or candy. You don't have to continue it, but if you do it just once, it's guaranteed they will never sneak your treats
• make sure they see you eat off a dish then put it away dirty at least once. You don't have to continue it, but if you do it just once, it's guaranteed they will never use your dishes.
• never let them know you are smart or have common sense. If they ask you for a screwdriver, just giggle and say, "the drink? I don't have any alcohol silly" and shut your door. If they ask if you know the date, tell them the month. If they ask if you know any good places to eat, tell them the value menu at McDonalds is actually pretty good for the price. Do these things just once, and it will ensure that they never ask you for anything, ever!
• find out when they leave in the morning and return at night, and leave or return before or after those times. This will ensure you never have to be stuck in the elevator with them. 
• live with people smaller than you, and a different gender if possible. If that doesn't work, just once break the above rule and wear an ugly outfit as you leave and get stuck in the elevator with you so they think you have bad taste. This will ensure they will never borrow your clothes. 
• always lock the door when you get in, this way, when the roomies come home, you will have a 5 second head start as they fumble for they keys and unlock the door.

Well I think that should do it. Congratulations, if you accomplish this list then you are about 93% at peace while at home, and you are one of the lucky few who now how something in common with moi. 

"....the children were nestled, all snug in their....wait a minute!?:: My mother had 5 kids, she wanted us to go and see the world, come back quickly, settle down, have happy marriages, families, and live within at least a few hours drive of each other. Well we are all married (I just get to do it again :), we all have seen various parts of the world, we try to come home, but only 1 of the 5 has kids. So this Christmas, while my mother is wishing she had more grandkids, and while she is missing me {it's a safe assumption people!}, she will be getting a lot of this:

 -I don't have kids, but I do have an awesome dog I left with her-

And a bit of this, the cats of Nick and Audrey, who are adding to the holiday decor like no one's business!

Happy Holidays Mom :) 

Dark Side: I have a very dark side, I think that is why chef life is so fitting for me....most of the relationships you make are very surface, simple, no deep details. But, you see these guys everyday, so in order to form a relationship, you communicate on a different level. For me this "different" level, is a mean one :) , and I like to think it helps me make friends.....but only  in a kitchen. Let me elaborate:

Exhibits A,B & C: Mingda and Sebatian and their challenge

 Mingda is teaching Sebastian how to skewer lobster, so that when you boil it, the tail remains straight. I stand next to them and watch -mind you the dark side is strong with me- Sebastian's tender heart can't bear to stab a live thing. I say, "you know they scream when you stab them right" (for the record, they don't) this sentence alone freaks out Sebastian so much he can't even pick up the lobster. Mingda, who has been doing this for a really long time, tries to show him one last time, he picks up the lobster, grabs a skewer, and right as the skewer pierces the lobster, I let out a quick hi-pitched scream right behind them. Mingda throws the lobster a good 10 feet across the kitchen and jumps in the air, Sebastian bolts across the kitchen and covers his ears like a bomb has just been dropped! And there I stand, laughing so hard mascara is running down my face. This, this is how real friendships are made. I'm not sure what is worse, how hard I laughed or how, when I saw them working, the first thing I thought was, "I am going to scare the crap out of them!"

DBD #9 Noodles Feast: Ah I think this will be the first of many DBD here in Asia, don't worry you will hear about every single one :) At times I am a bit of an open book. Having 2 older sisters I didn't really talk until I was about 5, and then I was painfully shy until 23 {still am, I just hide it better} ....and so I talk non stop to make up for lost time. I don't have secrets, I am fine revealing my inadequacies, and I have no problems giving out personal details.....like this one: Tinder is a dating app, it is shallow. It shows you the how far away in miles someone is from you, and then a few pictures of them. You swipe left if you don't like them, right if you do, and if you like, and they like, you get to text each other.  This was the best modality I could locate for my situation here in Singapore. And then I went on this date: Australian, blond, tall, attractive. We met for dinner and one of the many amazing food centers here with food stalls all around:

"Okay what do you want? What sounds good"
"Oh tonight I am starving so anything but Korean food"
"Okay well go figure it out"

? huh? off I went not really sure with how this was going to work, do I find food then tell him what I want?  I looked back and he was literally on Tinder checking out other girls! I could see his phone. I made a quick loop, then came back to the table:

"Well what did you find? What looked good?"
"The prawn noodles looked great."
"Okay {awkward pause as he looks at me funny}....maybe you don't know how this works, one person gets their food, then the other person gets their food and then we both eat, cause we both have food."

In shock, I went to grab food, didn't have cash, they only take cash, so I found an ATM, then got my prawn noodles with 2 bowls so we could do this sharing thing he suggested. Went back to the table:

"Sorry it took a while, I didn't have any cash so I had to find an ATM."
"Well looks like you figured it out." {I wanted to punch him in the throat}

 He got up to get his food, I sat there looking into the prawns beady black eyes asking, "what am I doing here, this guys is awful!" He came back with only one plate. No sharing. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt, bad idea. He really was awful. Said how amazing his food was but never offered me to taste. He talked the entire time about his work, his need for more pages in his passport because he filled up the ones he had, his ex fiance, and how all divorced women are emotional wrecks. Before I knew it, my food was gone and I hadn't said a word. He got up, got a coffee, didn't offer to grab me, but when I came back said:

"you can get something to drink you know"


The date ended after that, we went our separate ways as the metro approached, he turned back and said:

" Let's do this again"
"We can't, I'm divorced, therefore an emotional wreck." 

Thank you Tinder and Chris for a lovely evening, and the first of many DBD's in Asia. {and I think Tinder should now pay me money for talking about them}