Expecting: yes my dear friend Laura St. Jean (a.k.a. Johnson) is expecting a baby in only a few days! So for her 29th birthday Ruth and I seemed it only fitting to take her to see, "What to expect when you're expecting". We were hoping she'd go into labor right there but no such luck :( however, her petit prince did get the hiccups and she let me feel -I should interject that I loathe when people touch pregnant people's bump so I have avoided it until now, and baby hiccups were pretty darling... but this won't become a habit- Next time I see a movie with these 2, we should rent out the theatre! We are awful. So much laughing, so much crying....but only because we were laughing so hard. Oh my dear friends how I do enjoy being rowdy with you

Wrap: My mom recently asked me if my "love language" was gifts because I always send them, but I don't particularly crave or need to get them. I thought about it and I realized, it's not the gifts I love to give, it's the wrapping that I crave. {and for the record I am more a quality time person than a gift person} I love to wrap using unexpected materials. Store bought bows and balloon printed paper are my equivalent of the *f*-word! My usual necessities are: glue, string, and at least 2 other mediums. Recently my mystery guests were sealing wax and wire.

Dear Kellogg's poptarts,

when I was little, it was on rare occasion my mother purchased you for me. On these afore mentioned rare occasions, even at a young age, I really didn't like you.....like at all! But I lied {ya I do that sometimes} because you were surrounded by so much hype and all the "cool" kids had you for breakfast. I felt obligated to love you too...Well lying sucks....and...today Kellog's poptarts....who's the cool kid now? Ya Wendy and Me cause we had fer realz poptarts at Ted's Bulletin. Eat that! {oh and we did}

Graduation: at 6:15 he woke up to get ready....by 7:00 we were out the door. Gown was steamed, tie was tied, mowhawk combed over, and I was in my pajamas still :) I drove him to campus then I rushed back to dry rub the steaks, make the shortcake, cut the fruit, and get out of the pajamas! By 9:15 everything was done and we were on route to Severance Hall at Case Western Reserve University. There was a lot of this....

Then this....

and finally this.....

tongue..did you stick your tongue out?...Maybe...

really did you?....whatever just smile

{you can't see it, but I matched my shoes to the color of his hood, it was pretty great}

The emotions for me were different because I couldn't even begin to comprehend what 5 years of medical school would have been like. I hear there was a lot of this.....

But I hadn't been there for that, I wasn't family, I almost felt guilty because I just slipped in at the end of the process, my "place" was a bit confusing. But placing aside, it was a fantastic privilege to get to share in the celebration of the amazing accomplishments of someone I adore. Who really continues on for 5 years after undergrad only to be told another 5 years of 80+ hr/wks before you get your "own" patients. I am amazed at his drive, I am inspired by his humble genius, I am so proud of his passion and everything he has overcome in the past 5 years even though I don't know every detail. Gable Moffitt you truly are an incredible man, and will be a fabulous M.D. {and you look super hot in scrubs!}

{the robe makes him look sumo...he is far from it...and if you can't tell they are chest bumping}

Hacked!!! so facebook gets hacked, email gets hacked....but really who would hack a blog? Yesterday I posted a lovely little ditty on my man and his graduation and it was later hacked and twisted and changed and NOT from me! So if you happened to read my blog yesterday before I discovered the rogue post and deleted it....I will rewrite the post when I get back home. and yes I have now upper cased, lower cased, numbered, and an asterisked my new password :) cross my fingers I can remember it.

Nerd: I was just called a nerd because I gave up precious shoe space in my luggage to bring my steamer. Let's just see how nerdy you think I am when you are the only grad with a perfectly wrinkle free gown! And all your pictures come out awesome! Really you thought just putting that thing in the bathroom as you showered would work? Oh you really are sweet.

ps. I love being right :)

***{I did it! This is my official last post on my divorce.... things are resolved and things are good,we've moved on but I thought I'd share just one more overly personal post on the mini saga that was the divorce of Monica and Nathan Fish}***
Clarity: 2 years ago I went to have my eyes checked...20/20 perfect as usual. Then 6 month later things were not that way! Went back in....hello Monica 4-eyes. When I put the glasses on for the first time, things were clear and it was wonderful to be back to business as usual. May 23, 2009 {yep my wedding day} everything was clear 20/20 but as time went on things got foggy and I don't think Nathan or I really noticed the extent. It's been almost a year since I moved out and things have been far from clear. There will be bright moments, but there is always this lingering haze of unknown even still between us. Well Wednesday changed that all. Recent events in a nutshell...he sent me nasty texts, I responded almost in kind, then decided living in fear of horrible texts was no way to live so I filed a restraining order. He was served then Wednesday we had to appear. I showed, he didn't because he lives out of state but he had sent a letter. Hours of waiting, court appointed attorneys and I could just feel my soul shrinking. The decision was made, his request for a phone hearing wouldn't be granted, he had to show up in person for the restraining order to go into affect and me to have my peace back. My heart sank. He had gone from a man I loved to a man I know feared seeing for only a minute in a matter of 1 year. What happened? I went home fell on the kitchen floor and sobbed. June 27th I would have to, he said she said, in court with him. I didn't want to see him. The attorney said my case was solid and the order would be granted, everyone said keep the court date. I went against what everyone said and stared my fear directly in the face, I picked myself up off the floor, mopped up the tears and dialed Nathan. At one time I love him dearly and I thought I would just one last time, give him the benefit of the doubt. "Hey it's me, can we talk?" -my voice is shakey and I am freezing even though it is 82 degrees- "Today has been crazy, I know you are at work but I need you to just listen Nate...." and 30 min later I had peace. I told him I was afraid, he said he had been wrong, there were misunderstandings, and he was so sorry, we acknowledged our lows, and our faults, we both said our sorry(s) and wished the other well. In a single, civil, much needed conversation, we both found more clarity than any court could have ever offered . Previous feelings of fear and complete devastation melted away, healing I didn't even know was needed happened, and things were back to business as usual between us. {it should be said that in some cases this is not the best route! In cases with more evidence and fear than I had, court may be the best route. I however had not had years of nasty Nate, I'd never been hit, or truly threatened so I opted to try my way} We are no longer in love, but I like to think after this we can still have love for each other. We hung up, I called the courts, told them I was dropping the order against Nathan, then I dropped to my knees again this time in gratitude that an end I had prayed for, a resolution I thought would be years in the making, only took a few minutes on the phone...and once again I had clarity. I can only hope it did the same for him.

Go: it is no secret I LOVE to go! And tomorrow I am more excited than usual to go.....go to my uhmmh Man's {yes I prefer "man" to all the other terms out there} med school graduation from Case Western. I will spare you the mush about what I think about him and his accomplishments and instead show you that I am so excited I have my outfit laid out 24 hours in advance!

Wisdom: I thought I would graciously sprinkle some of my vast wisdom on you today....lucky you!! Wisdom 5/15: regardless of how good you think it's going to feel, do not q-tip your ears while driving.....the minute you hit a pot hole that feeling will be gone. {I like to think this is not me speaking from tonight's experience but from my vast well of wisdom} you're welcome. Buckle up for safety.

Evolution: I assume it began as a mother/daughter relationship usually does: quite moments just starring at each other smiling back and forth, lauding minor accomplishments like learning to yawn, roll over, sit up. Things progressed to rules, advice, "I hate you! Mom"'s , correcting late night english papers, being awoken to hear about the myriads of boys...{luckily for her this came after high school}.Then there was France...I snuck out to a pay phone twice while my companion was in the shower just to say hi :)...there were breakups, breakdowns, successes. I moved to the East Coast and there were new homes, new furniture, new paint, vacations, Christmas' at home, and it was odd because we had evolved from nightly chats on the foot of her bed to calls when the time zones aligned. I grew up. I left the "nursery". I didn't need a mother anymore, I just needed my mom. I needed a friend, a confidant, a rock, someone to laugh with when I thought of something cruel {this is daily with me :)}, someone to sob to when I was too scared to show the rest of the world how I really felt, someone to remind me who I was when I forgot, someone to show me my potential when it seemed lost. People say I sound like her, I have her confidence, her fearless nature, they say I look like her, throw parties like her, and love like her....I could not be more flattered than to be even a bit like her. What an amazing "her" she is, and I am so fortunate to not only have her for a mother, but also a dear friend on this chaotic ride. Happy Mother's Day Teresa....I love you.

God: today there was a bomb threat at the girl's school. I had previously arranged to take their newly hatched butterflies to their classes but I had woken up more tired then when I had gone to bed. When I got the recorded call from the principal that no one was being allowed in or out of the school my first thought was, "yes I don't have to go in, I can take a little nap" horrible I know. Suspicious packages and bomb threats are sadly common and since I touched down here 5 years ago, not a single bomb has gone off in Washington so the threats seem silly to me. I thought about a nap for a few seconds then my heart sank and I immediately dropped to my knees and pleaded, "Dear God not today, not to these babies." And I was calm. I knew the situation was out of my control and all I could do was plead to a man I'd never met. I wondered about all of the other official parents who got that call and what they did. I like to think a large portion of them did what I did. Especially in moments of fear and sadness we pray to a man we've never met. A friend asked me why I do what I do and this circumstance caused me to think a little more on the matter. I choose religion, I choose to pray to God, I am Mormon. And while I have my own set of issues with the policies and culture that has come with the church, my faith in God remains. I have never seen Him, I have never had a glorious vision, or seen a burning bush or a river parted. But, I have felt calm in the middle of a tragic divorce {aren't they all!}, I talked to my father today who 12 years ago was so sick he should have died, I just facebooked my little brother who was so blue when he was born he should have never seen the light of day, my sisters: climbs mountains, work in rushing rivers, work with oil rigs. I haven't seen biblical miracles but I truly feel that I have seen things happen in my life time that shouldn't have. I haven't seen His face, I haven't seen Hands but I do know that on days like today....believing there is more to this life, more after this life, more than just me and you....believing in that, not only gives me peace, but also gives me the hope to continue. That is enough for me to comfortably say, there is a God. There is evidence for Him and much against Him, but when all is taken into considerations whether geology proves there wasn't a flood or a creation or a Jesus Christ, it does not matter to me because today in a frantic onset tearful plea, I felt peace and science cannot explain that.

Dear DC DMV,

I realize the budget is tight everywhere, but did you have to really go the ladies room to cut costs? I know those toilet protectors are pricey suckers, and putting them outside the stalls right by the paper towels will definitely decrease their usage in the stalls, but just so you know....because I was robbed of sanitation.....I used 6 of your little toilet protectors to dry my hands.

Monica Kate Moore

Pride: a little while ago someone was attempting to take a jab at me. After quickly listing off how their own life had improved, they proceeded to inform me that I was: alone, living in a basement, and that I was just a nanny. To that I have a minor rebuttal... {I am not using this as an answer more an explanation a definition of my sittuation if you will}.....wait for it.

Alone: yes I currently live alone however I have a mother, father, siblings, nieces, nephew, grandfolk, dear friends and I am dating a ridiculously wonderful man who is all the usuals of brilliant, handsome, so strong, uhm sexy yes I said it *blush* but more than that, he makes me tingle and smile and when I am with him I am my favorite version of me and my usual chaos slows and I enjoy every moment.

Living in a basement: oh yes I do :) and my quaint little basement is 6 blocks from the Capitol, quiet, peaceful, and exactly what I need and have needed for this past year almost since my divorce.

Nanny: I cook, I clean, I do all the grocery shopping, all the clothes shopping, I chauffeur to and from school, ballet, the beach, Hershey Park, I supervise homework, I kiss hurt knees, resolve twin battles, MC impromptu karaoke parties where utensils are used as mics, I taught them how to ride bikes, and I tell those 3 sweet littles I love them at least 14x a day. Nanny is an understatement....during my 9-5 I am Wonderwoman. {this picture is depicting a little bit of a funny moment....traffic had us at a dead stop on the way to ballet so naturally I told the girls to change right there in the car so when we did get there they would be ready. While doing so little miss Z had to pee and luckily the car potty was actually in the car so she did her business and finished before traffic moved}

The point of all of this is simply to have pride in your choices. From the outside they may look rather odd! I went from being married with a darling home and working with one of the best chefs in the country, to the alone-in-a-basement-nanny and I am proud of my choices. One shouldn't have to explain. If your life makes sense to you and is taking you in a positive direction, stand tall and have pride....you are never "just" anything, even a nanny :)

Responsibility: While taking a drink from a drinking fountain at the airport last weekend, I looked up to see the Quote of the Day....? thank you Logan International. The quote read:

"Whatever happens take responsibility."

- Tony Robbins -

Simple, obvious, but underutilized. At fist thought one thinks, "of course take responsibility for the low points in your life" these "low points" are easy to spot, but hard to own up to. Examples: A failed relationship, poor work quality, being late, forgetting, being fat, being lazy, and on and on. With all of these things and more we can simply say, "yes I was in the wrong because of x,y,z" and then move on and try to rectify, or we can take the sadly more common route and we can give countless excuses dodging responsibility and spending far too much time dwelling on a situation that will never be mentally or emotionally resolved due to a lack mature admission. Taking responsibility for the low point allows for uninhibited forward motion.

Now for phase #2 we need to take responsibility for our successes as well! You are a good mother, good husband, good friend, you are talented, you succeeded in something that was difficult, you accomplished things no one expected you to, and on and on. I don't know about you but every time I am paid a compliment I bob and weave. A few of my favorite tactical phrases are: "oh anybody would have done that" "seriously, that was not a big deal" "anyway moving on, how are you".... we need to take responsibility for our successes. We need to accept that areas need improving but also that there is extreme greatness that we need to own up to. Frankly, after all that has gone on this past year, excuses really piss me off, and at the end of the day...I am human therefore flawed and great. So are you....so own up to the failures so you can move on and successes so you can feel great!

Monday: the best way to start of a week.....with a Monday that involves getting a charming package from Denver! It's not my birthday, it's not a holiday, it was just a regular old Monday until the doorbell rang and I was handed this bit of wonder from Gaye....

Kentucky: this little state is know for a few things: bourbon distilleries, {no mom I don't drink bourbon, no mom I don't know how I remembered that}, bluegrass music, tobacco...all things I am not really fond of. However, there is light at the end of this tunnel, Kentucky is also known for the Derby! And while I am not a gambling {wo}man....I would place a bet on a horse if I where there and I would wear a fantastic hat -swoon I LOVE fancy hats-, and I would thoroughly enjoy myself. Here are a few from today's Kentucky Derby....I couldn't attend because I had a previous engagement in Boston.

sanc·tu·ar·y (sngkch-r)

n. pl. sanc·tu·ar·ies

1.

a. A sacred place, such as a church, temple, or mosque.

b. The holiest part of a sacred place, as the part of a Christian church around the altar.

2.

a. A sacred place, such as a church, in which fugitives formerly were immune to arrest.

b. Immunity to arrest afforded by a sanctuary.

3. A place of refuge or asylum.

4. A reserved area in which birds and other animals, especially wild animals, are protected from hunting

Not that I need it....life is rather rosy at the moment, but I would love my 14 acres by a lake, with a cupcake pool, and a few chickens, so I could build a sanctuary, a little hiding place, a big kid fort {no secret handshake necessary}. 3 walls, one cozy chair and enough books to inspire and invigorate imagination which is very neglected as age increases and the worries of the world become more real and hope becomes more of a fantastic concept vs. a basic essential need. I love definition #4, A reserved area where wild animals are protected from hunting. No phones allowed, no technological distractions, just the smell of the ink on the pages and the sounds of the distant birds conversing in the wind.

Panes: I don't like it when life feels like a window who's panes are confused: hot inside, cold outside {or vice versa} resulting in a fog. Clouded if you want to look from the outside in, clouded if you want to look from the inside out. Inside makes sense, outside makes sense but the space between is simply confused.

Inspire: Lincoln, Jefferson, Serraut, Coco Channel, Zeppelin, Thoreau, ..... all of us find inspiration in different places, things, but often it is easiest to find inspiration in people. It is easy to find inspiration in those who have biographies, publicity, A&E specials, features in magazines etc. However, inspiration is often much closer we just don't recognize it because it isn't photoshopped or televised, or held in large venues. Exhibit A: Jen Knezek. I could list off the traits: writter, storyteller, decorator, one who creates wonder with plants, a tour guide, a successful business owner, but that would take hours and I will stay brief. Jen inspires me because when she married DK {Darren Knezek} she didn't change who she was she simply expanded it and today she is one of the most knowledgable people in the climbing industry. She knows the ins and outs of gear, routes, terrain, ice, bouldering, mountaineering. She is one of the best and only a few even know it. Her finest trait within her craft is giving people the confidence that they can literally climb mountains. She can take a lanky, nerdy, nothing of a human and make them feel like they are Spartacus after a single outing with her and the climbing club. She gives you "beta" without making you feels small, and she helps you unleash your inner adventurer even if you thought that didn't exist. She is my sister, but more than that, she inspires all who cross her path and she brings wonder. (and if you've seen this commercial, ya she climbed the towers that the commercial neglects to show, the towers next to the one the chick is standing on that are twice as high. She makes the chick in that commercial look like a baby. And she is tackling Denali with her partner in climb Darren at the end of this month)

Greatness:A few months back I attended the Arnold Strongman Classic in Columbus.....now just stop rolling your eyes! I am not claiming to know a lot about strongmen, (well I know a little about one :) and I realize one of my last post dragged on about how much I like heels and lipgloss, however I was in the audience so I have a bit of clout behind me so just relax. I am not a poser.....Strongman Brian Shaw entered the competition with a bit of a medical condition, a torn bicep. Now while I don't know much about lifting I do know it requires biceps. The morning of the event he tweeted:

3 Mar

Brian Shaw ‏ @shawstrength

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I am getting ready to battle today. Torn bicep or not I don't quit and I don't make excuses! I am ready to fight!!! #BEGREAT

Later that day he would complete a 1073 lbs. deadlift, which would result in a full bicep rupture with significant retraction. He then went on to complete the final timber carry and finished 4th overall in the competition. Extreme example, painful example but accurate I think. He didn't let excuses stand in the way of his goals. He had made the decision before hand to Be Great, and everyone that saw him, saw greatness and was in turn inspired. He didn't win, he didn't even surpass the weight he had lifted months earlier but he was great.

I have thought about this incident several times. Thought about it and all the excuses we give in order to remain "safe" "comfortable" "in control". We think we are doing ourselves a favor but in reality the excuses we make prevent us from being something truly great.