Heart: it is a funny thing this organ. Doctors will tell you it has 4 chambers, valves, arteries, veins, they will tell you in the most clinical terms how it functions and why it is so necessary for life. That is easy compared to this...the parts of the heart that can't be explained or transplanted or healed. They are the parts that hurt the most. Today those tender parts of my heart go out to my dear sweet cousin Robert and his beautiful wife, Stacey. On October 2nd she gave birth to little 1lb. 7 oz. Collin, I have followed his progress on facebook and in conversations with my mom and today I received a chain of emails concerning this little guy. After more than a month of loving him and having him in their new little family, Robert and Stacey had to let Collin go on Saturday. I am thousands of miles away, I haven't seen family in months, and I cannot begin to image what the hearts in their home are feeling tonight. Even with knowing that families are forever, loss of any kind weighs heavy. How grateful I am for the closeness of family and faith, while they don't heal the hurt, they provide a safe place to land. "When life's perils thick confound you, His sheep securely fold you, His arms [are] unfailing round you"

Pistachi..ohhhhh!: yep I was midnight snacking on some lovely green pistachios, when there was a web-like consistency to one I had just popped in, I pulled it out to find this....grey and inhabited.

So I was a bit of a slouch during General Conference this year, I fell asleep for a few talks, I had to work during one of the sessions, so in my efforts to rectify my previous failings this morning by listening to a talk to start my day, I stumbled upon this: highlights from conference? 10 hrs. crammed into 16:46 min? Yes please!

Wounds: wounds are funny things, some you see right away because blood is gushing or bones are exposed, some are subtle and just present themselves when pushed or touched and you have to think, "how did I get this giant purple bruise". Some wounds are physical, some are emotional, they are just another part of mortal life.

Often during church I sing the songs, focusing on the notes or the alto/soprano/tenor part so I don't sing off key, I rarely focus and internalize the words. This past Sunday as I sang this verse:

As I search the holy scriptures,

May thy mercy be revealed.

Soothe my troubled heart and spirit;

May my unseen wounds be healed.

I heard the words, and I was touched. I am private about my religion because it is not something I do to fit in or be cool, (and not many think being Mormon is cool but I sure do!) I am not Mormon because my mother and father are, I am not Mormon because I was told to be or pressured into it, I am Mormon because it gives my life purpose, it restore my hope in each day, being Mormon is not something I do, it is who I am. The knowledge and wisdom I have gained about myself and how I fit, are some of my most precious possessions. Now that being said back to the song, I was drop kicked a few times this past year and my "bruises" were well hidden by a smile and a cheery voice, it was all I could do to continue so as not to focus on the hurt. However, every wound must be addressed and healed in order for progression. I wasn't about to broadcast my situation because there were too many unsure variables, so I just went about my days. Last Sunday as I sat in church, tears were held back as I sang that song, because I realized my unseen wounds were being healed because among other things, I was reading an amazing book and it was changing me.

trick or TREATS:

yep I turned 3 of my favorite littles into pastries of sorts this Halloween; cupcakes and a sugar cookie.

Swag:yep I am a sucker for swag. I love free mints at restaurants, I have a Victoria's Secret Angel Card just so I get free underwear every month(this months free hipsters are particularly great), and when I was little I loved Barbie (still do!!) and I would call Mattel and inform them my doll didn't come with shoes and they would send me new pairs! One time I called and asked if they had any extra accessories they could send me and 3 wks later I got a box of shoes, suitcases, sunglasses, etc. My 8 year old world was brighter that day. I realize this is not really "swag" but in my little life it is!

Every 6 months I donate blood. I figure having never: smoked, drank, slept around, or taken drugs, I have pretty good blood. And my heart is in good shape so I am in and out, I fill up that bag like nobody's business. Last Saturday bright and early at 7:15a I headed to the Kettler Iceplex to donate blood. I go there because I get swag :) I was hoping the swag would be to win a date with Brooks Laich-yum-, but no such luck :( T-shirt, bobble head I will never even take out of the box, and free chick-fil-a sandwhich I will never eat was the swag of the week for me. Go ahead be jealous